Growing up in a big family

The author came from a large Latino immigrant family with three siblings spaced two years apart. She loved the symmetry of it and how no one was ever left out.

Caretaker role shaped her dreams

As the eldest daughter, she cared for her siblings from a young age. This made becoming a mom to many kids feel like a natural next step.

Reality didn't match the vision

Once married and in her 30s, the stress of planning a large family became overwhelming. The physical toll, mental load, and cost of raising four kids in Los Angeles seemed impossible.

Traumatic birth experience changed everything

Her labor and delivery was far from what she hoped for, leaving her scarred. After her son was born, she couldn't imagine going through it again.

Parenting is relentless and exhausting

A year into parenting a toddler, she and her husband get little to no sleep. Parenting is a 24/7 job with no real breaks unless they trade off.

Her body has changed

Motherhood has taken a physical toll on her body. She often prioritizes her son's well-being over her own self-care.

Two kids now feels impossible

After her traumatic birth and a job loss that made her a stay-at-home mom, even two kids seemed unmanageable. Solo parenting days can stretch to twelve hours.

Firmly one-and-done now

At sixteen months old, she and her husband have decided their son will be their only child. They chose a life that lets them be the best versions of themselves for him.

Still mourning what could have been

She worries her son won't have a sibling for lifelong bonds or social development. But she's accepted that what they can provide him outweighs what he won't have.

“I know my son will often have to play on his own.”