The single person at the family gathering

At 38, she'd always been the only unpartnered person at family events. When her dad announced the first extended family vacation in decades at the Outer Banks, she braced for another trip as the odd one out.

Then she met Joe

Just months before the July vacation, she met someone on an app who turned out to be different. Smart, supportive, and straightforward, he commuted two hours from New York City to see her and impressed her parents.

The fantasy of bringing him along

For the first time as an adult, she had a boyfriend to bring. She imagined romantic beach walks, finally having a plus-one, and proving she could fit in with her loud, opinionated New York family.

“Does he want to come to the beach house? How brave is he?”

Her gut said wait

Despite the appeal, something held her back. She worried about splitting her attention between Joe and family she hadn't seen in three years, and feared her chaotic family might scare off her new relationship.

She chose the family trip alone

She decided to go without him. The desire to be fully present with relatives outweighed the fantasy of romantic moments with her new boyfriend.

Being present changed everything

Without Joe there, she joined beach photo shoots, discovered kitschy beer gardens, and took solo bike rides. She was able to focus entirely on her family instead of managing a new relationship.

The relationship got stronger

Joe made her feel secure even while apart. When she returned, she was more excited to see him and had stories to share. He's now planning to join next summer's trip.

“Joe made me feel secure, even when I went on this trip without him.”