From Business Insider · Jennifer Jay Palumbo · · 1m 50s
Learning to let my autistic son be himself
A mother discovers that protecting her son from strangers' judgment meant hiding who he is. She stopped apologizing.
In brief
A mother discovers that protecting her son from strangers' judgment meant hiding who he is. She stopped apologizing. Jennifer Jay Palumbo learned that good parenting means supporting her autistic son, not managing strangers' reactions to his needs. Originally reported by Business Insider.
A juice spill at the Bronx Zoo
When Michael was three, he spilled juice on his shorts at the Bronx Zoo.The wet sensation overwhelmed him and he had a meltdown.His mother Jennifer Jay Palumbo rushed him to the bathroom to help.
A stranger's disapproval
While Palumbo dried Michael's shorts and tried to calm him, a woman in the bathroom made her disapproval clear. She complained loudly about the screaming child and said he needed to be taken elsewhere.
Shame that lasted all day
After Michael calmed down, Palumbo felt ashamed for the rest of the day. She worried about running into the woman again and convinced herself she had failed Michael and the strangers who witnessed his distress.
Changing how she responded
Over the years, Palumbo had other difficult moments with Michael at Target, Disney World, and airport security. Instead of panicking about stares, she began simply saying, My son is autistic and just needs a moment.
“My son is autistic and just needs a moment.”
No apologies needed
Palumbo realized she did not always need to explain Michael's behaviour. He might use an iPad or wear noise-canceling headphones where other children would not. None of those things require an apology.
Her job as his mother
Palumbo understood that her job was not to make her son appear normal enough that strangers approve of her parenting. Her concern is Michael: helping him feel safe, supported, and understood.
“My job isn't to make my son appear "normal" enough that strangers approve of my parenting.”
Strategies at fourteen
Michael is now fourteen. They have developed strategies together including breathing exercises and counting. Palumbo has learned more about him and learned to trust herself as his mother.
The takeaway
Jennifer Jay Palumbo learned that good parenting means supporting her autistic son, not managing strangers' reactions to his needs.
