Two children, two cities

The author's son moved to New York City after college graduation with a great job and apartment. Her daughter moved more than seven hundred miles to Chicago two years after finishing college.

Success and emptiness

Both children are thriving independently. The son has favorite restaurants, routines, friends, and a fiancée. The daughter has created a life in Chicago with favorite neighborhoods and her own community.

Grief without tragedy

The author experiences a strange grief. Her children are healthy, happy, successful, and maintain good relationships with her. Yet she cries the entire way home after visiting them.

Mourning a version of motherhood

For twenty-two years, the author's life revolved around school schedules, sports, family dinners, and helping her children become capable adults. Then her role changed. They no longer needed her every day.

Not alone in the contradiction

The author shared her feelings in TikTok videos. One video was watched by more than sixty-five thousand people and shared more than two thousand two hundred times. Parents described the same impossible contradiction repeatedly.

“How can I be so incredibly proud and miss them this much at the same time?”

Pride and loss together

When visiting her children, the author loves seeing them confident and living fully. Then she goes home and misses the ordinary moments: shoes in the mudroom, messy bedrooms, knowing everyone would be home for dinner.

Success and loss coexist

The author spent twenty-two years raising her children to leave her. Seeing them thrive tells her she succeeded. Missing them every day reminds her how much she loved the years when they needed her.