From Cosmopolitan · Syeda Khaula Saad · · 1m 10s
How to Tell Your Friend Their Partner Absolutely Sucks
How to gently address a friend dating a partner who consistently shows loser behavior without causing conflict.
In brief
How to gently address a friend dating a partner who consistently shows loser behavior without causing conflict. Friends can address a partner's negative behaviors by describing specific concerns without judgment, helping the friend reflect while respecting their decision-making. Originally reported by Cosmopolitan.
Loser Behavior Signs
Loser behavior includes shirking responsibility, blaming others, financial reliance, and lack of personal growth.
“They have little motivation to develop themselves and grow in several areas, including their career, personal growth, and social life.”
Dr. Kraiem's Advice
Psychologist Dr. Eli Kraiem says to describe specific concerns without judgment to help your friend reflect.
“Instead, I suggest describing what you observe in their partner that is concerning to you.”
Observing Patterns
Look for signs like forgetting wallets, questioning clothing choices, or texting exes before dates.
“Sarah, your boyfriend is a loser”
Avoid Direct Labels
Do not say your friend’s partner is a loser; focus on specific behaviors instead.
“You can’t come out and just say, "Sarah, your boyfriend is a loser," because she may not take that well.”
Express Concern Without Judgment
Ask if your friend feels their needs are being met in the relationship to show care.
“You can also ask your friend whether they are feeling that their needs are being fulfilled in the relationship.”
Set Boundaries
If conversations about the partner become too frequent, limit discussions to protect your friendship.
“I love you and I want to be happy, but it feels like you’re complaining about your partner a lot.”
Friendship Priority
Your friend must decide whether to address the relationship or not, but your friendship comes first.
“It’s bad enough that your friend is dating a loser, it’s understandable that you don’t want to have to be reminded of it every day.”
The takeaway
Friends can address a partner's negative behaviors by describing specific concerns without judgment, helping the friend reflect while respecting their decision-making.
