From Cosmopolitan · Rachel Varina · · 2m
Low-Maintenance Relationships Aren't What We Think
Being 'low-maintenance' in relationships isn't the flex we think it is.
In brief
Being 'low-maintenance' in relationships isn't the flex we think it is. A relationship that requires little from partners isn't truly easy or healthy, as needs and intimacy require mutual effort. Originally reported by Cosmopolitan.
Quick answers
- What Does Low-Maintenance Really Mean?
- Being told you're 'low-maintenance' means you're chill, have your own life, and don't need constant reassurance or get pissed when someone takes hours to text back.
- What is the key takeaway from Low-Maintenance Relationships Aren't What We Think?
- A relationship that requires little from partners isn't truly easy or healthy, as needs and intimacy require mutual effort.
What Does Low-Maintenance Really Mean?
Being told you're 'low-maintenance' means you're chill, have your own life, and don't need constant reassurance or get pissed when someone takes hours to text back.
“You're chill! You have your own life! You don't need constant reassurance or get pissed when someone takes three hours to text you back!”
Why Women Feel This Pressure
Women are taught that being high-maintenance is the kiss of death for a relationship, needing too much attention, affection, or communication.
“Need too much attention, too much affection, too much communication, too much anything, and eventually someone will decide you're simply too much.”
The Cool Girl Trope Has Died
The Cool Girl trope has perished, with Gone Girl removing it, and now we know that liking football or Taylor Swift doesn't matter, someone still thinks we're too much.
“Gone Girl did away with her (good riddance), and now we know that it doesn't matter if we like football and beer or Taylor Swift and vodka tonics, someone somewhere will still think we're too much.”
Expectations Survive
We've adapted to embrace who we are but still expect less from partners in exchange for having our interests and opinions.
“We can have our interests and opinions and personalities now, thank you very much. We can be more. But in exchange? We're supposed to expect less.”
The Real Problem
Being 'low-maintenance' isn't the solution; it's a myth that suppresses needs, leading to resentment and a lack of communication.
“Maybe you keep saying you're fine when you want more time together. Maybe you agree to plans you don't particularly want because choosing the restaurant somehow feels like asking too much.”
Relationships Require Effort
All relationships need effort, including handling daily problems like car repairs, work trips, and household chores.
“Someone's car is in the shop. Someone's traveling for work. The dog is vomiting. Somebody forgot to buy milk. You've both had terrible days and, unfortunately, there are still fucking dishes.”
Intimacy Needs Needs
Intimacy lives in being needed, including late-night calls, knowing when something's wrong, and showing up even when inconvenient.
“You get the late-night phone call. You're expected at the event. You know when something is wrong before they even say it. You inconvenience each other. You show up anyway.”
The Cost of Suppression
Suppressing needs can lead to resentment, as you can't keep insisting you 'literally don't care' before realizing you actually care.
“Romanoff says repeatedly suppressing your needs can eventually turn into resentment, which makes sense, because there are only so many times you can insist you 'literally don't care' before you realize that, actually, you very much fucking care.”
What We Actually Want
We want low drama, not low maintenance, dinner with friends without spiraling, disagreements that don't threaten the relationship, and clear communication.
“I want to be able to have dinner with my friends without my partner spiraling about where I am. I don't want every disagreement to threaten the entire relationship.”
The Solution
Regular relationship check-ins help couples communicate needs and adjust expectations as life changes.
“Both Romanoff and Raskin recommend regular relationship check-ins for couples who have gotten out of the habit of talking about what they need.”
What Makes a Relationship Healthy
A healthy relationship requires mutual effort, understanding needs, and adjusting expectations as life changes.
“You get what you pay for in a lot of ways. And frankly, if I'm going to build an entire fucking life with someone, I'd rather we both require a little upkeep.”
The Real Takeaway
Maintenance doesn't mean constantly dissecting relationships; it's about continuing to ask questions, making time, and saying when something feels off.
“Letting what you expect from each other change as your lives do.”
The short version
A relationship that requires little from partners isn't truly easy or healthy, as needs and intimacy require mutual effort.
