From Cosmopolitan · Rachel Varina · · 1m 40s
What Counts as Cheating in a Relationship
Cheating definitions vary by relationship boundaries, not universal rules.
In brief
Cheating definitions vary by relationship boundaries, not universal rules. Cheating depends on mutual agreements in a relationship, not fixed behaviors like flirting or sexting. Originally reported by Cosmopolitan.
Quick answers
- What Counts as Cheating?
- Cheating in relationships depends on mutual boundaries and agreements, not universal rules.
- What is the key takeaway from What Counts as Cheating in a Relationship?
- Cheating depends on mutual agreements in a relationship, not fixed behaviors like flirting or sexting.
What Counts as Cheating?
Cheating in relationships depends on mutual boundaries and agreements, not universal rules.
“Sleeping with someone who isn’t your partner? Yeah, you probably don’t need me to tell you that’s going to count as cheating in most monogamous relationships”
No Universal Definition
Madhuri Jha, MPH, LCSW, founder of Thriving Mind Clinic, says cheating depends on relationship boundaries and whether partners feel those boundaries are respected.
“It depends on the boundaries established within a relationship and whether or not a partner feels like those mutually agreed-upon boundaries are being respected or violated”
Secrecy as a Red Flag
If you hide interactions from your partner, it may indicate cheating even if you’re not intentionally deceptive.
“If you need to hide it, you’re likely cheating”
Emotional Cheating
Emotional cheating occurs when someone outside your relationship takes on romantic intimacy or emotional investment you’d normally reserve for your partner.
“Emotional cheating generally happens when a relationship with someone outside your partnership starts taking on the romantic intimacy, secrecy, or emotional investment you’d typically associate with a partner”
Flirting and Sexting
Flirting can be cheating if hidden from your partner, but sexting may violate sexual exclusivity agreements even without physical contact.
“If you are doing these activities in secret and without the permission or awareness of your partner, they can be perceived as cheating”
Porn and Dating Apps
Watching porn isn’t cheating if it aligns with relationship agreements, but using dating apps secretly could cross boundaries.
“It is less about whether an individual behavior is a problem, but more about whether a particular behavior exists beyond what the two people have decided to be acceptable within their relationship”
Social Media Interactions
Social media interactions aren’t automatically cheating but can cross boundaries if they become secretive or romantic.
“Confiding intimate details of your relationship with someone else you are attracted to, hiding chemistry with someone outside your relationship, or feeling like you need to hide messages from your partner”
How to Know If You’ve Crossed
Crossing boundaries involves hiding interactions, withdrawing from your partner, or bending the truth to make interactions seem innocent.
“If you know you’ve violated an agreement, are actively concealing something because you know it crosses a boundary you’ve established, or find yourself bending the truth to make an interaction sound more innocent than it is”
Talking About Boundaries
Discuss relationship boundaries early and revisit them as the relationship evolves to avoid misunderstandings.
“Ideally, you figure out what counts as cheating in your relationship before one of you does something that leaves the other saying, Wait, you seriously thought that was okay?”
Defining Cheating Together
Cheating is defined by mutual agreement, not one person’s rules, with room for compromise where possible.
“Don’t try to say what you think your partner wants to hear, if you’re genuinely uncomfortable with something, you need to be open and say it”
What Happens Next
Clear communication about boundaries prevents relationship misunderstandings and builds trust through mutual understanding.
“Ultimately, what counts as cheating in your relationship is something you have to define together and agree to respect”
What it means
Cheating depends on mutual agreements in a relationship, not fixed behaviors like flirting or sexting.
