South Africa's political circus: five scandals in one week

Sisisi's grocery scheme

Former social development minister Nokuzola Tolashe allegedly used public funds to pay for household groceries by inflating a food aide's salary. The Public Service Commission investigated the arrangement.

Tolashe's prior role

Before the social development post, Tolashe safeguarded Chinese-donated ANC cars. Unlike party bank accounts, the vehicles survived her tenure intact.

The pattern of getting caught

The columnist argues Tolashe merely did what the political establishment perfected: gaming the system. The difference is hers came with a paper trail and she got caught.

“We do not hate her because she allegedly gamed the system. We hate her because she got caught.”

Mbalula's emotional breakdown

ANC secretary-general Fikile Mbalula cried, sweated profusely and nearly collapsed after the Constitutional Court rescued one hundred eighty-one of his party's candidates from electoral oblivion.

The feline metaphor

A Facebook post by Xolani Majola near KwaMashu men's hostel in Durban described Mbalula as hyper-ventilating and in touch with his feline side, coining what the columnist calls the political metaphor of the century.

“Fikile is hyper-ventilating and in touch with his feline side.”

Mbalula's administrative failure

Beneath the tears lies a less amusing spectacle. Mbalula presides over the ANC's decline and its struggle to correctly submit electoral candidates, then celebrates judicial rescue as a second liberation.

Zuma's medical gymnastics

Former president Jacob Zuma reportedly lay on his deathbed.His party insisted he was healthy and in good spirits.After a routine medical check-up lasting eight days, his daughter produced a video of him pumping iron.

Masemola's return delayed

SAPS national commissioner General Fannie Masemola returned to his post after the court withdrew charges against him. He was kept waiting for twenty-four days before the announcement, despite the court's two-word judgment.

“Charges withdrawn.”

Sibiya's dishonourable exit

Deputy national commissioner for Crime Detection Shadrack Sibiya left the police service with a dishonourable discharge. Days later, Masemola returned, raising questions about the timing and choreography of the moves.

Sibiya's pattern of evasion

The columnist describes Sibiya as exhibiting cartel behaviour: when cornered, stay silent; before arrest, wipe phones clean; during disciplinary proceedings, resign. A mastermind of cartel intrigue who avoids accountability.

Carrim arrested at the airport

Former ANC North West treasurer Suliman Carrim was arrested at OR Tambo airport on nineteen October twenty twenty-six for refusing to answer Madlanga Commission questions. He had eight bags and no return ticket.

Five developments, one production

The columnist links five separate events, Sibiya's exit, Masemola's return, Carrim's arrest, Mbalula's tears and Zuma's return, as part of one grand South African production of political surrealism.