From Harvard Business Review · · 5m
Turn workplace envy into career growth
Executive coach Stacy Kim explains how to harness envy's signal to learn what you really want and build skills to get it.
In brief
Executive coach Stacy Kim explains how to harness envy's signal to learn what you really want and build skills to get it. Envy reveals what people truly want from their careers. By distinguishing benign from malicious envy and analyzing its components, individuals and leaders can channel rivalry into productive growth…
Envy has two sides
Executive coach Stacy Kim distinguishes between malicious envy, which focuses on harming the other person, and benign envy, which focuses on what you want and how to get it.
Western culture misses benign envy
In Korea in the late nineteen seventies and early nineteen eighties, people openly said bureowoyo to express envy and admiration.English has no word for benign envy, so speakers default to the shameful deadly sin version.
Envy tells you what you want
Envy is simply wanting something someone else has while feeling low about lacking it. Like fear signals danger and anger signals injustice, envy signals what you really want and value.
Comparison is natural, not bad
People naturally compare themselves to others, especially in competitive situations. Comparison helps us learn how to join groups and behave in them, and teaches us about ourselves.
Social media multiplies envy
Keeping up with the Joneses once meant neighbors. Now LinkedIn shows every job, volunteer role and achievement of anyone worldwide, creating far more opportunities to feel envy.
Don't suppress envy
Ignoring envy wastes important information. Pushing it down often leads to malicious responses like gossiping or thinking how to harm the other person instead of learning from them.
Shame freezes you
Guilt about envying someone is natural, but when guilt becomes shame, it freezes you. You feel hopeless, sulk inward, blame yourself and get stuck instead of taking action.
The SIRN framework
Kim's framework has four components. S is similar target: you envy someone close to you, meaning what you want is within reach. I is intangible desire: the feeling you really want, not the promotion itself.
Relevant comparison shows priorities
R stands for relevant comparison. Basketball players envy other basketball players, cellists envy cellists. The domain you envy in shows what matters to you and what you should pay attention to.
Intensity measures importance
N stands for negative emotion. The more envy you feel and cannot shake, the more important this is to you. The intensity of the feeling is a gauge of how much you should pay attention.
Start with the smallest step
Rather than focusing on the big goal, find the smallest micro action you can take this week.If envy points to work you want, take one small step toward it.
Research before approaching
Study the person you envy by finding podcasts, interviews and information online about their work and process. Once you know them better through research, you can approach them with a specific compliment and question.
Use admiration as a bridge
Public expressions of envy carry risk. When in doubt, use the word admire instead. People respond well to specific, genuine compliments followed by a question about how they achieved something.
Primary versus secondary responses
A primary response is building your skills to match what you envy, like practicing more to match an athlete you admire. A secondary response is gossiping, making excuses or tearing the other person down.
Korea channeled national envy
In the late nineteen seventies and early nineteen eighties, Korea used collective envy of Japan to mobilize improvement. Teachers told students to study hard to beat Japan and overcome being a Third World country.
Envy drove Korean competition
Korea competed against Japan for the eighty eight Olympics and in cars and electronics. Later, Korea recognized its aging population and copied Japan's long-term care insurance program, then improved it.
K-pop surpassed J-pop
Korea's government invested in the movie and entertainment industries. Koreans deliberately studied J-pop and built K-pop to surpass it, creating a global cultural phenomenon through focused envy and strategy.
Leaders should avoid similar pairings
Princeton professor Susan Fiske found that putting two people at the same level together creates envy and competition. Pairing people with different experience levels or skills encourages collaboration instead.
Direct team envy outward
Leaders can harness collective envy by focusing it externally on competitors or other teams rather than internally. Sports teams do this by directing negativity toward rival teams instead of competing within.
Start with a three by five card
When you feel envy right now, write the four SIRN components on a three by five index card.Then identify one small thing you could practice or do within twenty minutes this week to move closer.
What to remember
Envy reveals what people truly want from their careers. By distinguishing benign from malicious envy and analyzing its components, individuals and leaders can channel rivalry into productive growth and collaboration.
