Best friends warned me

I lost close friends after becoming a mum at 27. Sixteen years on, I’ve realised those friendships weren’t meant to last.

“You are not allowed to turn into one of those boring women who only talk about their babies once they’re born”

Unexpected pregnancy

When I got pregnant at 27, it was a surprise for me, my 25-year-old partner and everyone we knew.

Friends' advice

One friend instructed: 'You are not allowed to turn into one of those boring women who only talk about their babies once they’re born.'

“You are not allowed to turn into one of those boring women who only talk about their babies once they’re born”

My fear

I was scared, motherless and about to have a baby in a country where I had no stable income, legal rights and was still on my student visa.

Slow friendship loss

The few times those friends did meet up with my baby, they wanted to coo at her cuteness. No one wanted to hear I’d spent three hours making up a song about her cheeks.

I let myself disappear

I didn’t want to be 'that boring mum person,' so I let myself disappear.

New friendships

Since having my kids, I’ve met the friends I can tell anything and everything to.

Deeper connections

These friends inspire as much as support; I’m following in the footsteps of one by doing my yoga teacher training where she did.

Losing friends felt like a breakup

Losing those deep friendships felt like a really awful breakup.

My daughter's advice

I stroke her hair and explain that no matter how much a friendship means to her, no matter how much history and love there might be, her friends should never make her feel small.