Why a comedian is giving this advice

Jim Norton has been married to a transgender woman from Norway for four years and regularly discusses his personal life in his comedy act. He's offering practical guidance for men interested in dating trans women, focused on what will actually work.

Be honest about what you want

Don't pretend you're looking for a serious relationship if you just want casual sex. Be upfront about the level of commitment you're seeking, or your hesitation to be public together will become obvious very quickly.

“Don't say you're looking for love if you're not.”

Stop making her transness the focus

She already knows she's transgender and it's not the only thing she thinks about. Treat her like any other person on a date instead of performing compassion or nodding sympathetically like you're doing her a favor.

“She has gotten the memo that she is transgender, she's used to it, it is not the only thing she thinks about.”

Trans people are just people

Trans women have the same range of interests, opinions, and personalities as any other group. Some are gym enthusiasts, some are introverts, some are adventurous, some are cautious. Treat her as an individual, not a category.

“Trans people have as many different interests and passions as any other group of people.”

Don't wear her like a badge

Avoid feeling like you're a special guy for publicly dating someone transgender. You can discuss your relationship without acting like you're a social justice hero standing up to society.

“Don't wear your transgender partner like a badge of honor.”

You're dating a person, not a cause

Dating someone trans doesn't require you to abandon your core beliefs or identity. If you're afraid to date who you actually want to date, you're being inauthentic and phony.

“You're dating a person, not an ideology.”

Social pressure is everywhere

We all claim not to care what others think, but we're all affected by social pressure. Recognize that people criticizing your relationship are often unhappy themselves and not worth your consideration.

Ignore the online haters

Don't let anonymous internet comments dictate how you live your life. People who spend their time attacking others online are generally miserable and their opinions deserve no weight in your decisions.

“Permitting online comments to dictate how you live your life is a spineless way to exist.”

The hypocrisy of the critics

Many of the most vocal anti-trans commenters privately consume trans pornography while publicly condemning trans people. Their moral outrage is performative and rooted in shame, not genuine conviction.

People will surprise you both ways

Some people you expect to judge you will be supportive, while others you thought were open-minded will distance themselves. Don't assume you know how people will react until they actually do.

“You will be pleasantly surprised and monumentally disappointed by the people you know.”

Don't apologize for your relationship

You accept your family and friends as they are, flaws and all. You're entitled to expect the same acceptance from them regarding who you date. You don't need their permission.

“You don't have to be apologetic when you tell people you are with someone transgender.”

Give people time, not apologies

Some family members need time to adjust if they've never known trans people. But being patient is different from begging for approval. Have self-respect and don't grovel for acceptance.

Most critics are boring frauds

People who judge you for dating a trans woman often hold beliefs far more extreme than anything they accuse trans people of believing. Their commentary is pedestrian and deserves dismissal.

Life is too short for fear

Stop living for the approval of people who are even more frightened than you are. Pursue the relationships that make you happy and ignore everyone else's opinions unless your partner is genuinely a bad person.

“Life is short, you frightened idiot.”

The bottom line

Date trans women the same way you'd date anyone else. Be honest, be authentic, treat her as a full person, and don't let other people's unhappiness prevent you from finding your own happiness.