Every age has its meltdown

The toddler throws themselves on the floor and screams in public. The teenager slams the door. Different scenes, same drain on the parent.

Giving in teaches the wrong lesson

Caving to the loudest moment tells a child that turning the volume up gets results. Staying steady is what breaks that link.

Who is behind the advice

Juli Fraga, American psychologist and co-author of "Parents Have Feelings, Too", laid out five habits in a CNBC piece for handling crises calmly.

Put your own mask on first

Fraga's first rule is to settle yourself before you settle your child. Same logic as the oxygen mask on a plane during a loss of pressure.

“j'ai travaillé avec des centaines de parents qui se sentent dépassés”

Calm is contagious

Children catch a parent's steadiness the way they catch panic. Pause and take five deep belly breaths to trigger your body's relaxation response.

“lorsque les parents restent calmes, les enfants « attrapent » en quelque sorte ce calme”

Be a detective, not a CEO

Outbursts are a form of communication, a set of clues. Ask what might be going on for your child right now rather than moving straight to fixing it.

“Agissez comme un détective, plutôt qu'un PDG”

Name the feeling underneath

Explosive behaviour is usually a shield against shame, guilt or sadness. Ask simple questions that help your child put words to what is actually there.

“ils n'aident pas les enfants à « ressentir et gérer » les difficultés de la vie sur le long terme”

Look at your own reactions

When the difficult behaviour keeps repeating, Fraga says to turn the question around. How do you handle your emotions, and is your child mirroring you?

“Est-ce que le comportement de mon enfant reflète le mien ?”

Hunt the daily stressors

A new baby, a hard class, trouble with friends at school. Keep talking and question the routine to lower the background stress that builds into explosions.

Small tweaks, real difference

Cut back the after-school activities, shift the timings, offer a 6pm snack, plan something quiet before the usual flashpoint. The parent's stance is what moves things.