From Psychologies · Ava Skoupsky · · 1m 20s
Six phrases that hide what you really feel
Some of the most ordinary things people say are quiet signals that they are holding everything in.
In brief
Some of the most ordinary things people say are quiet signals that they are holding everything in. "Ça va" and "je gère" are often not updates, they are shutters coming down. Ask again, gently. Originally reported by Psychologies.
Some people can't say it
Sharing a fear, a doubt or a win comes easily to some. For others it feels impossible, so the pain gets buried instead of spoken.
The six giveaway phrases
"Ça va." "Ce n'est pas si grave." "Je gère." "Laisse tomber, ça va aller." "Je n'ai besoin de personne." "On verra tout ça plus tard."
“"Je n'ai besoin de personne"”
Politeness is the cover story
These lines usually come out to avoid bothering anyone. That intention is kind, but the phrase still works as a defence mechanism.
Suppression backfires
A 2003 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found people who suppress emotions express less, feel more negative emotion and report lower wellbeing.
When feelings have no words
The pattern is linked to alexithymia, a difficulty identifying, understanding and expressing your own emotions. Researchers tie it to weaker emotional regulation.
“Les personnes présentant une alexithymie importante semblent manifester des stratégies de régulation émotionnelle moins efficaces”
Most people like being asked
Positive psychology expert Florence Servan-Schreiber notes that most of us actually enjoy being asked for help. Listening closely can let someone finally put down what they've carried too long.
The main idea
"Ça va" and "je gère" are often not updates, they are shutters coming down. Ask again, gently.
