From Psychologies · Isabelle Thibaud · · 1m 20s
Too much praise can backfire
A psychiatrist explains how showering a child with compliments builds an adult who cannot handle being ordinary.
In brief
A psychiatrist explains how showering a child with compliments builds an adult who cannot handle being ordinary. Praise the whole child, flaws included, not just the performance. Self-esteem survives failure; a need for applause does not. Originally reported by Psychologies.
Praise has a tipping point
Encouragement helps a child grow and believe in themselves. Dr Yasmine Lienard warns that when it turns constant and outsized, it produces a hunt for perfection instead.
The child at the centre
Parents who make their child the focus of all attention can install a permanent pressure to be perfect and to succeed, without ever meaning to.
Confidence outsourced to others
When approval always comes from outside, the child learns to depend on it. Praised endlessly for performance or looks, they conclude only the extraordinary is worth anything.
Validation becomes superiority
In adulthood the need for approval can harden into a sense of being above others, a hunger to be admired, and no tolerance for criticism.
Life brings the bill
These adults hit deep frustration the moment they stop shining or meet a limit. Failure and criticism arrive anyway, and they struggle to adapt.
“La vie nous confronte naturellement aux échecs et aux critiques”
Aim for self-esteem instead
Lienard recommends the middle path: teach a child to see themselves as a whole person with qualities and faults, comfortable with their flaws, rather than chasing an unreachable ideal.
The key point
Praise the whole child, flaws included, not just the performance. Self-esteem survives failure; a need for applause does not.
