From Slate Magazine · Jessica Stoya · · 1m 50s
Boyfriend's Masturbation Fantasies Cause Relationship Strain
Boyfriend admits fantasizing about coworkers during masturbation, leaving partner confused and scared.
In brief
Boyfriend admits fantasizing about coworkers during masturbation, leaving partner confused and scared. Partner of a man who fantasizes about coworkers during masturbation feels upset but wants to support him while fearing the unknown. Originally reported by Slate Magazine.
Boyfriend's Confession
He confessed to me that he has always fantasized about other women when he masturbates, even before we met, and still does so while being in the relationship.
“He just confessed to me that he has always fantasized about other women when he masturbates, even before we met, and still does so while being in the relationship.”
Partner's Reaction
I feel a bit happy he shared something that was really upsetting him because he says that he doesn’t really control it, was ashamed of it, and didn’t know how to bring it up to me.
“I feel a bit happy he shared something that was really upsetting him because he says that he doesn’t really control it, was ashamed of it, and didn’t know how to bring it up to me.”
Partner's Concern
But it also makes me feel somewhat upset because I never thought he actually objectified all the women he encounters in his life (that is sort of how he explained it).
“But it also makes me feel somewhat upset because I never thought he actually objectified all the women he encounters in his life (that is sort of how he explained it).”
Boyfriend's Shame
He says he only thinks about it, but he is never willing to do anything about it. I feel a sense of sadness about this new side of him I just got to know.
“He says he only thinks about it, but he is never willing to do anything about it. I feel a sense of sadness about this new side of him I just got to know.”
Partner's Fear
I want to support him in dealing with this, but at the same time, I am really scared of the unknown.
“I want to support him in dealing with this, but at the same time, I am really scared of the unknown.”
Expert Advice
The revelation that a partner fantasizes during masturbation, even about people who are not me and who they interact with regularly in day-to-day life, would not phase me personally in the slightest.
“The revelation that a partner fantasizes during masturbation, even about people who are not me and who they interact with regularly in day-to-day life, would not phase me personally in the slightest.”
Key Question
Has he shown you that he’s putting in concrete effort toward changing this? If he has, ask him how you can support him. If he hasn’t, I’d take that into account when you’re deciding how to handle your concern.
“Has he shown you that he’s putting in concrete effort toward changing this? If he has, ask him how you can support him. If he hasn’t, I’d take that into account when you’re deciding how to handle your concern.”
Next Steps
Evaluate whether you can continue to be relaxed and comfortable around this man or see a path to being able to do so again. If yes, extract core values and check alignment.
“Evaluate whether you can continue to be relaxed and comfortable around this man or see a path to being able to do so again. If yes, extract core values and check alignment.”
The headline
Partner of a man who fantasizes about coworkers during masturbation feels upset but wants to support him while fearing the unknown.
