From Slate Magazine · Jenée Desmond-Harris · · 1m 40s
Godparent Mistake: Free Nanny Role
A cousin’s request for free childcare led to a godparent role reversal.
In brief
A cousin’s request for free childcare led to a godparent role reversal. You can’t fire a godparent, but you can stop being their nanny. Originally reported by Slate Magazine.
Quick answers
- Why not warn?
- The arrangement is harmless and the new godparent can decide if they want to babysit.
- What is the key takeaway from Godparent Mistake: Free Nanny Role?
- You can’t fire a godparent, but you can stop being their nanny.
Godparent confusion
A cousin asked the writer to be her son’s godmother despite their strained relationship and her lack of religious practice.
“I was surprised by this for two reasons: 1) She and I weren’t and still aren’t particularly close, so I’d be the last person she’d ask for something so big, and 2) She’s not especially religious from my knowledge.”
Free childcare plan
The cousin expected the writer to act as a free nanny, watching the child daily or taking him home for her 'downtime'.
“She’d either have me come over nearly every day to watch him when I wasn’t at work, or have me take him home so she could have some 'downtime'.”
No religious basis
The cousin’s lack of religious practice meant the godparent role was never officially recognized.
“She’s not religious, so I was never officiated as her son’s godparent.”
Cousin’s reaction
The writer stopped being the cousin’s nanny after she threatened to revoke the godparent role.
“I recently told her that I will no longer be able to take care of her son, and she became furious.”
Godparent rules
You can’t fire a godparent, but the role is flexible without official recognition.
“From what I’ve come to understand, you can’t really 'fire' a godparent, and even if she could, I was never officiated as her son’s godparent.”
New godparent
The cousin plans to find a new person to take the godparent title without changing the childcare arrangement.
“I have learned that she plans to ask someone else to take the title.”
Advice column
The advice columnist says the writer shouldn’t warn the new godparent about the arrangement.
“I don’t think you need to go out of your way to warn the new godparent though.”
Why not warn?
The arrangement is harmless and the new godparent can decide if they want to babysit.
“Godmother #2 will be able to decide for herself whether she wants to babysit at all, and when it becomes too much.”
Cousin’s motive
The cousin likely used the godparent title to get free childcare without religious intent.
“She either doesn’t understand a godparent’s role or she does and simply used the term to get free babysitting.”
Family tension
The writer’s family is dealing with a different issue involving a sister’s accusation of childhood abuse.
“A few weeks ago, my younger sister accused an extended relative of abusing her when she was younger.”
Abuse accusation
The sister claims she was abused but the writer doesn’t remember any traumatic experiences.
“She accused an extended relative of abusing her when she was younger.”
Family pressure
Family members are pressuring the writer to confirm or deny the abuse claim.
“Dozens of family members have been calling me and my other sister to ask if we were also abused.”
Writer’s stress
The writer is overwhelmed by family questions and has other life challenges.
“I have a lot of other stuff going on in my life right now (a sick pet, moving, starting a new job).”
What it means
You can’t fire a godparent, but you can stop being their nanny.
