From Slate Magazine · Greg Lavallee · · 2m
My ex keeps calling about her house maintenance
After divorce, a father faces pressure to maintain his ex-wife's home for the kids' sake.
In brief
After divorce, a father faces pressure to maintain his ex-wife's home for the kids' sake. You're not obligated to maintain your ex's property, but communicate boundaries clearly rather than ignoring requests. Originally reported by Slate Magazine.
The split and the house
After a divorce with 50/50 custody of three kids, the ex-wife bought out the father's share of their house. He used his portion to buy a smaller, more affordable home in the same school district.
The snow driveway request
After a major snowstorm, the ex-wife called asking him to clear her driveway, saying it was his obligation as the kids' father. He refused and offered to pay someone else to do it once.
“because I am the kids' father, that is an expectation as a benefit to the kids”
Summer maintenance calls
Throughout the summer, the ex-wife called repeatedly about mower blade sharpening, gutter cleaning, and other upkeep. Sometimes she had the kids make the requests. He ignored them all.
The fallen tree branch
After a windstorm, a large tree branch fell in her yard. She called demanding he bring his chainsaw to cut it up and haul it away. When he asked if it posed a safety risk, she said no but insisted it needed handling.
The ex-father-in-law weighs in
When dropping off the kids, the ex-father-in-law confronted him about not helping his daughter, saying she can't afford services like snow removal. He blamed the father's attitude for the divorce.
“I can see with your attitude why she left you.”
The columnist's verdict
The advice columnist says he's not obligated to maintain her property. Financial struggles should have been addressed during divorce proceedings through alimony. But ignoring requests makes him look petty and dismissive of her situation.
“No. This is not your responsibility.”
Set clear boundaries
Instead of ignoring requests, he should tell her directly that maintaining her house is not his obligation. He can offer to help in genuine emergencies or do favors occasionally, but shouldn't be expected to be available for routine maintenance.
Consider her emotional choice
The columnist notes that keeping the family home may have been a smart emotional decision for the kids, even if it wasn't financially wise. The children benefit from stability and continuity in their living situation.
“it was a big comfort when one of my parents was able to keep the house that we grew up in”
The main idea
You're not obligated to maintain your ex's property, but communicate boundaries clearly rather than ignoring requests.
