From Slate Magazine · Arionne Nettles · · 1m 30s
My Friend Won't Stop Comparing Our Divorces
A single mom struggles when her newly befriended friend keeps bringing up how much easier her divorce was.
In brief
A single mom struggles when her newly befriended friend keeps bringing up how much easier her divorce was. Before addressing a friend's hurtful comments, check if you're inadvertently comparing your own experiences first, then set boundaries with compassion. Originally reported by Slate Magazine.
A new friendship with complications
Two single moms recently became friends after meeting through mutual acquaintances. One had an amicable divorce and co-parents well. The other is going through a traumatic split involving abuse.
The jealousy keeps surfacing
The friend with the difficult divorce makes frequent comments suggesting jealousy about how smoothly the other's split went, implying she's lucky or questioning why she even divorced.
Check your own comparisons first
Before addressing her comments, examine whether you're inadvertently inserting your own divorce stories into her venting sessions, which could be fueling the dynamic.
Measure how much it bothers you
Decide whether every comparison irritates you or if it's the frequency that's the real problem. Recognizing that friends can love each other while feeling jealous is healthy.
She may not realize the impact
Your friend might simply be venting without thinking through how her comments land. Sometimes people need to voice their feelings without filtering, especially during crisis.
Acknowledge, then redirect
Try responding with validation like "Yeah, that's true, and I'm sorry you're going through this," then pivot the conversation when you need breathing room.
“Yeah, that's true, and I'm sorry you're going through this”
Here's the gist
Before addressing a friend's hurtful comments, check if you're inadvertently comparing your own experiences first, then set boundaries with compassion.
