From Slate Magazine · Ilyce Glink · · 1m 10s
My Mom Wants Me to Start My Marriage on a Lie
A couple faces a white lie about wedding costs to spare sensitive parents-in-law from financial strain.
In brief
A couple faces a white lie about wedding costs to spare sensitive parents-in-law from financial strain. Tell your fiancé the truth about the financial situation to avoid marital tension. Originally reported by Slate Magazine.
The white lie proposal
The mother plans to tell the future mother-in-law that other relatives are paying for the engagement party to avoid financial burden.
“My mom, who is not necessarily wealthy, but in a better financial position than my future in-laws, will be covering the costs.”
The parents-in-law's situation
The future in-laws are retired, financially sensitive, and have worked hard for a long time but lack significant resources.
“They are retired and worked very hard for a very long time.”
The fiancé's perspective
The fiancé is sensitive to his parents' finances and has previously felt embarrassed about their financial situation.
“He had some initial embarrassment about telling me their situation.”
The advice column's response
The advice column recommends telling the fiancé the truth about the financial situation to maintain honesty and avoid marital tension.
“You should absolutely tell your fiancé and make sure he’s okay with it.”
The relationship context
The couple has been open and honest about money and values, prioritizing transparency over financial games.
“We are in our late 30s/early 40s, and we have both learned that playing mind games is not something either of us want in a marriage.”
The proposed solution
The couple should directly communicate with the parents-in-law about the financial arrangement without inventing a false gift.
“He should take the lead and let his parents know how much you appreciate their time, help, and love, but that they do not need to contribute anything financially.”
At a glance
Tell your fiancé the truth about the financial situation to avoid marital tension.
