The setup: a language club problem

A parent drops his 12 or 13-year-old son Philip at a twice-monthly after-school language club in a library, pays the fee, and leaves immediately. The club runs for two hours.

Philip's behavior is disruptive

Philip has serious learning disabilities, is extremely loud and hyperactive, cannot sit still, and shouts TV phrases repeatedly at the top of his voice. He's also physically large, a head taller than other kids.

“Better Ingredients! Better Pizza!”

He leaves the club room

Philip only stays in the club room briefly before wandering into the library. He ends up in the children's room where he jumps on furniture, runs around, and plays too roughly with younger kids.

A dangerous moment this week

Philip jumped off the back of a couch onto a beanbag and almost landed on a baby. Moms have tried settling him with books or toys, but he usually ignores them.

Philip is sweet but unsupervised

Philip is very sweet with a big smile and asks people if they're having a nice day. But his father uses the library as a three-dollar babysitter service, leaving immediately after drop-off.

The club leader avoids confrontation

Sam, the club leader, tries to engage Philip in activities but seems grateful when he wanders off. Sam is reluctant to confront Philip's father about the situation.

Librarians say it's not their job

The two elderly librarians can get Philip to settle down temporarily, but they can't follow him around all the time. They say this is Sam's responsibility to sort out.

Everyone is miserable

The letter writer is considering pulling her daughter out of the club she loves, but doesn't think it's fair to abandon everyone else to deal with Philip.

Sam must take responsibility

As the club leader, Sam is responsible for ensuring everyone's safety, including Philip. He needs to communicate with Philip's father about what supervision is actually available.

Option one: set clear requirements

Sam can establish what developmental abilities are required for kids to attend without a grownup, similar to how childcare settings require kids to be potty-trained rather than setting admittance by age.

Option two: recruit a dedicated volunteer

Sam can find someone to help kids like Philip, either through parent volunteers taking turns or outside help. People might volunteer for free or in exchange for a gift card.

Parents can help push Sam to act

If Sam is nervous about approaching Philip's father or avoiding the situation, parents offering to help might encourage him to act more quickly and find a solution.

Don't quit for your daughter

The letter writer shouldn't pull her daughter out of something she loves. Instead, work with other parents to help Sam address the real problem: inadequate supervision.