From Slate Magazine · A.J. Daulerio · · 2m
Parenting Advice on Trusting Adults
A parent's fear of a child's friend leads to questioning everyone's safety.
In brief
A parent's fear of a child's friend leads to questioning everyone's safety. A parent questions trust in all adults after a friend's arrest for child sexual abuse material, fearing their child's safety. Originally reported by Slate Magazine.
A friend arrested for CSAM
A parent's spouse and I recently learned a close friend was arrested for possession of child sexual abuse material.
“A (now-ex) close friend of many years was arrested and charged with possession of CSAM (child sexual abuse material).”
No child contact
This person never spent time around our child, so I’m not concerned about direct impact.
“This person never spent time around our child, so I’m not concerned about that impact.”
Questioning everyone
I’m now questioning almost every person in our lives who has spent time with our kid.
“I’m now questioning almost every person in our lives who has spent time with our kid, alone or with us.”
Parental intuition
If we didn’t see warning signs with our ex-friend, how do I know my parental intuition is right about everyone else?
“If we didn’t see the warning signs with our ex-friend, how do I know my parental intuition is right about everyone else?”
Protect or connect
Make an action plan with your child to say no to uncomfortable adults and follow their intuition.
“Make an action plan together. Teach them they only need to say "no" once and to follow their Spidey Sense when it comes to creeps.”
Child safety
Children will face harm from people they know, so teaching them to be safe is essential.
“Because unfortunately you won’t be able to keep your child safe from harm, there is a high probability that they will be beaten, bullied, assaulted, or harassed in their lifetime.”
Living through trauma
Help kids live through trauma while staying on a quest for happiness amid life’s miseries.
“The point is how to live through that and help your kids live through it, while staying on an endless quest for happiness amid these traumas, cruelties, and miseries.”
Risks are small
The risk of another predator friend is small, so parents should live their lives without fear.
“The risks of you having another predator friend are small, and you have to live your life accordingly.”
Be part of the village
Parents should be part of the same village to protect their children from harm.
“Be part of the same village.”
Adult daughter conflict
A parent's daughter married a man who now causes family tension after a physical altercation.
“She married "Aaron" three years ago, and has gotten more distant from me and her father since.”
Family tension
The daughter and her father had a heated argument after a recent visit, with the father shoving the mother into a chair.
“Her dad got angry, telling her she sounded "like a robot" with one of her bland answers, and she exchanged a very pointed look with her husband before treating her dad to a false smile and saying, "Sorry you feel that way."”
Physical altercation
Aaron shoved the parent into a chair when he tried to follow his daughter.
“Aaron is a big guy (weightlifter) and very intimidating, while my husband is in his 60s. It was terrifying. Annie ran out and Aaron left after her, but only after shoving my husband into a chair when he tried to follow Annie.”
Future plans
The family agreed to meet only in public places to avoid further conflict.
“Annie called us the next day to say we should only meet in public places for future celebrations, where "things can’t get heated again."”
No resolution
The parent and daughter have no expectation of reconciliation without a change in behavior.
“I told her we never want to see her husband again. She said if we never see her husband again, we never see her again, so I should go think about what I wanted.”
The main idea
A parent questions trust in all adults after a friend's arrest for child sexual abuse material, fearing their child's safety.
