From Slate Magazine · Jessica Stoya, Rich Juzwiak · · 2m
Sex Advice on Bottoming and Topping Preferences
How to navigate sexual role preferences without pressure.
In brief
How to navigate sexual role preferences without pressure. A person who prefers bottoming can explore flexible sexual roles with a partner who is open to occasional topping without pressure. Originally reported by Slate Magazine.
Sex Role Confusion
A person who prefers bottoming seeks advice on how to navigate sexual role preferences with a partner who is open to occasional topping without pressure.
“I recently started dating someone, and they’re amazing, but there’s a problem.”
Bottoming Preference
The writer enjoys bottoming or being eaten out/fingered but is reluctant to top their partner.
“I can entertain the idea of having sex with them while I wear a strap-on (they seem much more reluctant to entertain the idea of being the top)”
Role Terminology
Jessica Stoya questions the modern meaning of 'bottoming' and its generational shift in sexual terminology.
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Versatility in Sex
Rich Juzwiak notes that many gay men are versatile in sexual roles, with most being flexible rather than rigid.
“Many years ago, I kind of did an inquiry into versatility and wrote an essay about it”
Flexible Approach
The writer prefers bottoming but is willing to top if the situation requires it, while their partner may be less flexible.
“It seems like their partner is less flexible.”
Relationship Compatibility
Jessica Stoya suggests that early relationship compatibility in sex can be a sign of strong potential sexual relationships.
“When things just fall into place sexually with compatibility, that, to me, is a sign of a really strong potential sexual relationship”
Communication Tips
Open communication about sexual preferences can help avoid misunderstandings and build trust in relationships.
“Open a conversation to see what can be learned about whether the partner wants to lie back and doesn’t want to do any doing”
Sexual Flexibility
Jessica Stoya emphasizes that people can be flexible in sexual roles, but sometimes life circumstances change expectations.
“Sometimes the larger context of your life completely shakes that up”
Partner Compatibility
The writer and their partner may need to clarify sexual expectations to ensure mutual satisfaction.
“It might not be a match. But maybe they’re willing to make it work.”
Role Clarity
The writer should understand their partner’s willingness to top or bottom to avoid sexual incompatibility.
“They write this parenthetical, 'My friend recommended something like 69 or fingering each other,' and to me, the fact that you didn’t come up with that yourself is a little bit worrisome”
Sexual Compatibility
Jessica Stoya explains that sexual compatibility can be a sign of a strong relationship, but it’s not always guaranteed.
“Sometimes you have to get yourself off. Sometimes that’s how it goes.”
Flexibility in Relationships
Relationships can evolve in unexpected ways, with sexual preferences changing over time.
“Other times, the right person walks into the room, and none of the things that you thought were super important to you matter anymore”
Sexual Role Advice
The writer should clarify their partner’s sexual preferences to avoid misunderstandings and build trust.
“It’s important to have a serious conversation about what each partner is willing to do”
Sexual Flexibility
Jessica Stoya emphasizes that people can be flexible in sexual roles, but sometimes life circumstances change expectations.
“Sometimes the larger context of your life completely shakes that up”
What Happens Next
The writer and their partner should have an open conversation about sexual preferences to ensure mutual satisfaction.
“It just might not be a match. But maybe they’re willing to make it work.”
The essence
A person who prefers bottoming can explore flexible sexual roles with a partner who is open to occasional topping without pressure.
