Manure on a grave

The day after her ex-husband's funeral, Louise drove to the cemetery and dumped roughly 20 pounds of manure across his grave.

Arrested and sobbing

Police booked her. From jail she called her sister Darlene, crying, asking to be bailed out.

Two thousand dollars, quietly

Darlene put up the $2,000 bond. She did not tell her husband she was doing it.

Then came the excuse

Louise says she can't repay a cent because attorney's fees and court costs have taken everything.

Fifteen years of grudge

The marriage ended more than 15 years ago. The husband's objection is simple: he shouldn't fund a stunt that petty.

“I don't see why we should have to pay because she chose to do something petty and juvenile.”

He can't sue

Suing requires standing, meaning the person actually wronged has to file. Darlene wrote the check, so it's her claim, not his.

Gift or loan

Without a signed promissory note, a judge can easily read $2,000 handed to family as a gift. That guts the case before it starts.

“Anyone can sue anyone for anything, but it's difficult to imagine you'll win.”

A spouse who won't fight

Darlene says to let it go because Louise has been through enough. A plaintiff who doesn't want to win rarely does.

Paid the court directly

Money posted with the court is collateral held until the case ends, which can take months or years. Then it often goes straight to fines and fees.

Paid a bondsman instead

A bondsman's $2,000 is a 10 percent premium on a $20,000 bond. Even if Louise shows up for every date, that cash is gone for good.

Call the clerk

If she paid the court, Darlene can tell the clerk she's the depositor and ask for the bond back rather than applied to Louise's bills.

Move before the court does

Expect paperwork and a small state fee skimmed off the top. Stay silent and Louise will use that money to cover her own costs.

“If she doesn't call the court, Louise will likely be able to use your money to offset her fees and court costs.”

The money isn't the wound

What actually stings is being cut out of a $2,000 decision. Darlene may have moved fast precisely to skip the argument.

“What's eating you is that Darlene shelled out that cash without consulting you.”

Have the bigger conversation

Whether or not Louise ever pays, the couple needs a rule for how large money decisions get made together.