From Slate Magazine · Jessica Stoya · · 1m 50s
The camping trips that nobody talks about
A man receives sexual favors from his friend during camping trips, but they've never discussed it. Should he speak up?
In brief
A man receives sexual favors from his friend during camping trips, but they've never discussed it. Should he speak up? Unspoken sexual contact requires honest conversation, even when it feels awkward, to protect both people's consent and the friendship itself. Originally reported by Slate Magazine.
Quick answers
- Could Ramon be asleep too?
- The columnist raises another possibility: sexsomnia is a real condition where people engage in sexual activity while asleep. Ramon might not be conscious either, making this conversation even more important.
- What is the key takeaway from The camping trips that nobody talks about?
- Unspoken sexual contact requires honest conversation, even when it feels awkward, to protect both people's consent and the friendship itself.
The secret ritual on camping trips
A man's friend Ramon gives him blowjobs about half the time they go camping together. They've never discussed it, and the man isn't sure if Ramon knows he's actually awake during these encounters.
“About half the time, he will give me a blowjob while I pretend to sleep.”
The pretense has gone on too long
The man has been pretending to sleep through these encounters for years. He's unsure whether he's still pretending for Ramon's benefit or his own, and he worries about humiliating his friend.
“I've probably let it go on way too long, but should I say something to him?”
The real question about consent
The advice columnist asks whether he's tolerating these blowjobs or actually enjoying them. If he's only accepting them out of pity for Ramon, that's a betrayal of his own consent.
“Are you tolerating the blowjobs, or do you enjoy them while having firm boundaries?”
Speaking up protects both of you
The columnist says that if he's not attracted to Ramon and doesn't want sexual contact, he needs to speak up for his own sake. A friendship that can't survive a conversation about boundaries isn't worth preserving.
“A friendship which is unable to survive an assertion of boundaries isn't worth tolerating unwanted sexual contact to preserve.”
The thrill might change everything
If he does enjoy the situation, he should be prepared that directly addressing it could either ruin the excitement for both of them or damage the friendship entirely.
Could Ramon be asleep too?
The columnist raises another possibility: sexsomnia is a real condition where people engage in sexual activity while asleep. Ramon might not be conscious either, making this conversation even more important.
“Sexsomnia is a documented phenomenon, so a potentially embarrassing conversation now could save him from a larger or more disastrous scenario.”
The conversation has to happen
Whether he enjoys it or tolerates it, whether Ramon is conscious or not, the only path forward is an honest conversation. Avoiding it protects neither of them.
What matters most
Unspoken sexual contact requires honest conversation, even when it feels awkward, to protect both people's consent and the friendship itself.
