A kink she cannot say out loud

A trans man writes in with a happy, adventurous marriage and one thing he has never raised with his husband: a piss kink. The sex is good. The sentence is the problem.

“I have one kink I'm yet to explore with him.”

The fear is not rejection

He already trusts his husband to say no kindly. What stops him is the awkwardness of the ask itself, not the likely answer.

Why this one feels dirty

Rich notes that piss play sits in taboo territory for most people because it involves bodily waste we were taught to find disgusting as children.

“it nonetheless exists in the realm of taboo for many”

Pick your regret

The advice is a straight trade. Decide which is worse: one uncomfortable conversation, or never getting to try this with the person you married.

“If this is a strong enough kink, you'll push through the awkwardness.”

Frame it as curiosity

Present it as something you want to try rather than a piece of your identity. Curiosity invites a yes or no. Identity invites a verdict on you.

Behaviour is easier to refuse

Stripping the identity question out lowers the stakes for both of you. A request about behaviour can be taken up or declined without anyone feeling judged.

“it can be evaluated and taken up or denied with a lesser risk of judgment”

Do not drink it

Urine can carry bacteria, filtered toxins and traces of medication. One study linked drinking it to nausea, vomiting, headache, palpitations, diarrhoea and fever.

In the mouth, not down

Plenty of people in the scene take urine into their mouth and spit it out. Swallowing almost certainly will not kill you, but it is the part worth skipping.

“Will it kill you if swallowed? Almost certainly not”

Logistics of the wet stuff

The smell lingers in fabric, so use the shower, bath or outdoors. Agree beforehand who pees and who receives, and let the receiver choose where it lands.

Skip the coffee

Enthusiasts told Rich that caffeine hurts the taste and smell. Beer, Gatorade and water keep things flowing.

He promised forever, then vanished

A 30-year-old woman fell for a 40-year-old man who was still in a long relationship he called emotionally over. He said forever, met her friends, planned a future.

“He reassured me that I wasn't merely a pastime or temporary escape.”

Asking for clarity ended it

When she asked whether he would actually leave his partner, he pulled back, blamed stress, then stopped replying. Two weeks of silence followed.

New relationship energy is a drug

Rich reads the affair as a fantasy refuge from an unhappy relationship. Newness feels like paradise right up until someone asks a real question.

“'New relationship energy' is a kind of drug that puts a haze over everything.”

He may have loved you

The kindest reading is that he meant it at the time. That still does not get him off the hook, because love is proved by sticking around, not by saying so.

“He may have loved you; he may still. But he isn't loving you.”

Taking him back would cost

If opportunism drove him once, nothing suggests a return visit would be different. She is in the fool-me-twice phase.

“Take him back at your peril and be prepared to bleed.”

Stay open anyway

The lesson is about this one man, not about love. Someone who loves you back will try hard to avoid wrecking you, even when they end things.

“You can find someone better, someone who shows up for you.”

The orgy host's dilemma

A city sex party host wants to move the action to his own backyard, pool and all, and is wondering whether to warn the neighbours first.

“Should I just tell them that I'm hosting an orgy?”

He has already done the work

A 7-foot fence, no sight lines from any neighbouring house, a fountain for white noise, plenty of street parking, and neighbours used to seeing him entertain.

Run till tackled

Rich says do not announce it. Flagging it as a sex party hands people a reason to object before anything has even happened. See how the first one goes.

“This is your property, and you can do what you want on it”

Treat night one as a rehearsal

Use music to cover the noise without triggering a complaint, ask guests to keep it down, and stay sober enough to supervise instead of joining in.

“That would be a small price to pay for peace of mind.”