Rural retirement with a problem

Retired couple lives in farm country where loose dogs get shot by farmers or sheriffs. Their daughter's collie mix bolts through open doors.

The dog has a history

The collie attacked an elderly cat and bit the daughter-in-law when she intervened. The daughter is now banned from her brother's home.

“She is banned from her brother's home after the dog went after their elderly cat and nipped our daughter-in-law when she tried to drag it away.”

Warnings fall on deaf ears

The daughter ignores repeated warnings to control her dog. She refuses to use sitters or kennels and won't train the reactive animal.

“Our daughter wanted to visit but kept ignoring her mother and me telling her to keep the dog away.”

Father loses his patience

The dad bluntly told his daughter if the dog gets shot, she shouldn't cry because it's her fault. She canceled her visit.

“I finally had enough and bluntly told her that if the dog got out and was shot, she'd better not cry because she would have no one to blame.”

Wife says he went too far

The mother thinks they should have been gentler. The father feels nothing else has worked with their stubborn daughter.

Prudie calls out the approach

The columnist says the father seems disgusted by his daughter and lashed out to scare her. It didn't work, only alienated her.

“It also seems to me that you couldn't wait to lash out at her in a way you imagined might scare her into changing her ways. It didn't work.”

Focus on what you control

You're responsible for your home's safety and your relationship. Your daughter is responsible for her dog, even if she's failing at it.

“Your daughter is responsible for her dog's relationship with the rest of the world. Even if she's doing an awful job with that responsibility, it's hers.”

The path forward

Apologize for overstepping, set clear rules for dogs at your house, then invite her back. Stop trying to control her choices.