From Slate Magazine · Jessica Stoya, Rich Juzwiak · · 2m
Wife's Emotional Affair and Hall Pass Dilemma
A husband considers giving his wife a 'hall pass' for a threesome after catching her in an emotional affair, but fears the relationship's instability.
In brief
A husband considers giving his wife a 'hall pass' for a threesome after catching her in an emotional affair, but fears the relationship's instability. A husband who caught his wife in an emotional affair with a gym partner is weighing a threesome with her and the partner but worries about his drinking and relationship…
Husband catches wife in emotional affair
A husband caught his wife texting a boyfriend named Matt after two years of marriage.
“breakup text”
Wife blames husband's drinking
His wife claims the affair stems from his drinking and neglect, not mutual attraction.
“My wife has blamed the whole thing on me due to my drinking and not paying attention to her.”
Husband's concerns about relationship
He worries about his drinking, relationship stability, and whether the affair was a fantasy or reality.
“I am convinced it was simply lust for another man she described to me as fit, super fit.”
Husband's dream scenario
He dreams of inviting Matt to a party with his wife for a threesome, but fears the unknown.
“A dream came to me where we invited him to our home for a party for the three of us… and it all happened.”
Experts weigh relationship risks
Experts say his drinking and emotional neglect could lead to relationship collapse if he pursues the affair.
“If there’s a significant festering wound in how they relate to each other that comes from him not being present for whatever reason, that drastically increases the chances that, given the freedom to have sex with someone she had an intense emotional rapport with, she would leave.”
Husband's drinking concerns
His drinking may have caused emotional neglect, making the affair a coping mechanism rather than a mutual choice.
“He might lose the relationship; he also might lose himself.”
Experts caution against immediate action
Experts advise against pursuing the affair until the relationship is emotionally stable and communication improves.
“You have to be in a really good place to pull this off.”
Husband's need for self-reflection
He should seek help from a trusted friend or therapist to understand his relationship and drinking issues.
“I think unless really good with each other and you know it, don’t take that next step.”
Experts emphasize relationship stability
Experts stress that emotional stability and communication are critical before considering a threesome.
“If you’re not on solid ground, don’t go there.”
Husband's potential next steps
He should have a conversation with his wife about fantasies and relationship stability before pursuing the affair.
“Have a conversation with your wife. Maybe the way that this plays out is through a fantasy.”
Experts warn against rushing
Experts say rushing into a threesome without addressing relationship issues could worsen the situation.
“You don’t throw more chaos on top of chaos to make order.”
Husband's drinking impact
His drinking may have caused emotional neglect, making the affair a coping mechanism rather than a mutual choice.
“He might lose the relationship; he also might lose himself.”
Final advice for stability
He should prioritize relationship stability and communication before considering a threesome.
“If you’re not in a good place, don’t think that this will be part of the healing process.”
What happens next
The husband must address his drinking and relationship issues before pursuing a threesome with his wife and Matt.
“Have a conversation with your wife. Maybe the way that this plays out is through a fantasy.”
The short version
A husband who caught his wife in an emotional affair with a gym partner is weighing a threesome with her and the partner but worries about his drinking and relationship stability.
