From TIME · Angela Haupt · · 3m
How to Talk to Kids About Body Image
Parents can help children feel heard about body image without dismissing their feelings.
In brief
Parents can help children feel heard about body image without dismissing their feelings. Parents should validate children's body image concerns by exploring feelings and values instead of quick reassurances. Originally reported by TIME.
When your child says they hate their stomach
When your child says they hate their stomach, nobody wants to be their friend because they’re fat, or everyone in their class is better-looking than they are.
“You’re beautiful! You’re perfect!”
Dr. Whitney Casares advises
Dr. Whitney Casares, a pediatrician in Portland, Ore., and author of Raising Body-Confident Kids, says starting with feelings helps kids feel heard first.
“It tells a child, don’t feel what you’re feeling”
Ask for details first
Before helping, ask your child to explain what they’re responding to: a classmate’s comment, online triggers, or puberty-related body changes.
“Did a classmate make a rude comment? Did your child see something triggering online? Or is their body feeling unfamiliar as they go through puberty?”
Validate feelings without agreeing
Validate your child’s feelings without agreeing with harsh self-judgments by saying, 'I can see why that would have been really upsetting for you'.
“It can be really difficult when we feel like someone doesn’t have a positive opinion of us”
Explore the root cause
If a classmate’s comment set this off, ask why they think that person said that to help them question how much weight to give the remark.
“Why do you think that person said that?”
Bodies come in different shapes
Genetics help shape bodies, just as they influence height and eye color, so your child doesn’t need to look like their best friend.
“Genetics help shape our bodies, just as they influence our height and eye color”
Avoid 'no' when asked about weight
If your child asks, 'Am I fat?', resist saying 'No!' and instead explore what the word means to them.
“That response can reinforce the idea that being fat is something to fear”
Identify the scariest fear
Ask your child what feels scariest about their appearance concerns, like not making friends or eating lunch alone.
“I’m not the prettiest girl in the class”
Create distance from negative thoughts
Help your child create distance from harsh thoughts by saying, 'That sounds like a mean thought' and exploring how it makes them feel.
“That sounds like a mean thought”
Explore what they’re interested in
Ask your child what they’re interested in on social media to understand the appeal without dismissing their concerns.
“I’m actually interested in what you’re interested in”
Focus on body functionality
Your child’s body is for functionality, not presentation: celebrate activities they enjoy like walking the dog or building Lego.
“My body is for functionality”
Address discomfort with activities
If your child avoids activities, ask how to get around it while still participating, like wearing a swim shirt at the pool.
“What are some ways we can get around this so you can still participate?”
Compliment actions, not appearance
Compliment specific actions like helping a friend or saving money for the amusement park instead of appearance.
“I love the way you creatively chose that outfit today”
Treat your body with respect
Even when you don’t like how you look, expect children to not love their bodies all the time and treat them with respect.
“You don’t have to love your body, but it’s important to treat it with respect”
In short
Parents should validate children's body image concerns by exploring feelings and values instead of quick reassurances.
