Everyone is fed up

Ask any single friend about dating right now and you get the same story: first dates that go nowhere, chats that read like a feed, people quietly giving up on partnership.

The apps stopped working

The reliable supply of new romantic prospects has dried up. Meeting The One through a dating app now feels like something that happened to other people, a while ago.

A romantic slump

Dating coach Lily Womble says the apps made an already draining experience worse. And yet plenty of people still want a partner.

“Dating can be so exhausting, depleting, demoralizing, and I only think dating apps have increased that experience.”

Put yourself at the center

Womble, author of Thank You, More Please, argues there is a healthier route to love, one where you are the main character instead of a profile being judged.

“There is a more healthful and empowering way to go about it that centers you as the main character.”

Apps are slot machines

They are built to keep you sitting there with a bag of quarters and a Big Gulp, waiting on the triple cherry. Meeting people in person has become a lost art.

“These apps are built like slot machines.”

Step one, build joy

Get off the couch and do something in your town that you actually enjoy, with other people. Free or paid, it does not matter.

Not about the hotties

The goal at the event is a new friend, not a date. You are widening your social circle, which is the only thing a dating app ever really did for you.

The quilting night theory

The 70-year-old you meet has a son, whose boyfriend has a cousin, who shows up at a party. Womble met her husband this way, through an improv class and a friend's circle.

“You never know which 70-year-old you meet at your quilting night.”

Step two, co-conspirators

Recruit friends to actively hunt for you. Tell them the kind of person you want and the exact questions to ask at their office or their next conference.

An airport setup

Two of Womble's clients did this for each other across state lines. One met an eligible man in an airport, ran the qualifying questions, and the two of them started dating.

Step three, flirting

The scariest part, and a skill you can learn rather than a gift some friend was born with. It is really just approaching someone and asking a genuine question.

“Flirting is essentially a joyful, courageous connection.”

Ten seconds of courage

Walk over and say you think they're cute, then ask if they're single. One client did exactly this at a crosswalk and ended up dating the guy.

“Hey, random question. So are you single?”

Plan for rejection

Lockdown cost everyone reps, Gen Z most of all. Keep a note on your phone for how you'll treat yourself after a bad moment. Self-compassion lowers cortisol.

“I think I'm going to die after rejection. It's a thought, not a fact.”

Climb the flirting ladder

One second of eye contact, then three. Write down five small steps for this week. One client's move was a wink and run.