From Vox · Shayla Love · · 3m
Your kid wants to go vegan. Should you let them?
A parent's guide to supporting your child's ethical choices without imposing your own values.
In brief
A parent's guide to supporting your child's ethical choices without imposing your own values. Parents should support children's emerging moral choices like veganism by cultivating their ethical development rather than steering them toward predetermined outcomes. Originally reported by Vox.
A nine-year-old's ethical choice
A nine-year-old girl has decided to become vegan after learning about it from friends at school. Her parents eat free-range chicken and grass-fed beef and worry about picky eating habits.
The daughter's discomfort
The girl seems uncomfortable when her parents cook meat for meals they share, even when they make her another option. Her parents want to support her ethical choices but worry about long-term consequences.
The columnist's own awakening
Shayla Love, the columnist, became vegetarian after seeing a pig's face emerge from an underground steam oven during a childhood trip to Hawaii. She later became vegan in her twenties.
Moral development has stages
Lawrence Kohlberg, a twentieth-century American psychologist, tracked moral development through six stages. Young children's notions of right and wrong are dictated by what their parents think and fear of punishment.
Kohlberg's first stage ends around nine
Kohlberg thought preconventional morality lasted until around age nine. After that, children understand that people could have different moral ideas based on their social context, not just parental rules.
The daughter is maturing morally
The girl's veganism shows she is moving beyond her parents' free-range and grass-fed approach. At this age, according to Kohlberg, she should consider her friends and experiences when making ethical choices.
Parenting as gardening, not carpentry
Alison Gopnik, a psychologist and philosopher at the University of California Berkeley, argues in The Gardener and the Carpenter that parenting should cultivate growth rather than follow a predetermined blueprint.
Rousseau on child-centered learning
Jean-Jacques Rousseau, an eighteenth-century philosopher, advocated in Émile, or On Education for a freer, child-centered approach. Children learn by having their own experiences, not just from didactic lessons.
Be a dietary gardener
Parents should help their daughter develop her moral thinking rather than steer her toward one way of eating. She is still young and may change her ideas as her morality matures.
Parents still have obligations
Parents have rights and obligations to keep children safe and guide them toward healthy habits. If a child chose smoking, for instance, parents would step in because it negatively affects health.
Address nutrition, not the choice
Rather than push back on veganism itself, explain what the choice entails. Talk about nutrients she might miss from meat, dairy and eggs, and find books or videos about plant-based substitutes.
Veganism opened new cuisines
The columnist's veganism exposed her to Asian and Indian cuisines and many protein and iron-rich plant-based foods. Parents could collaborate with their daughter to cook vegan meals for the whole family.
Moral choices evolve over time
The columnist was vegan for more than a decade, then incorporated eggs and fish back into her diet as her moral views matured. Her daughter will likely continue changing her choices as she grows.
Celebrate her developing ethics
Whether or not the daughter eats grass-fed beef in her teens, parents should be glad she cares about her impact on the world. It shows her ethics are developing strongly as she figures things out.
The headline
Parents should support children's emerging moral choices like veganism by cultivating their ethical development rather than steering them toward predetermined outcomes.
