# Alma Mater Rejected Daughter

> Parent regrets proxy envy after daughter's college rejection.
- Title: Alma Mater Rejected Daughter · Newsweek | Shortify
- Summary: Parent regrets proxy envy after daughter's college rejection. Stacy S. Kim regrets acting on proxy envy when her daughter Allison was deferred by…
- Keywords: stacy s kim, allison, northwestern university, university of michigan, proxy envy, college admissions, legacy student, daughter, Alma, Mater, Rejected, Newsweek
- Source: Newsweek — https://newsweek.com/alma-mater-deferred-daughter-proxy-envy-mistake-12573710
- Published: 2026-10-16T10:00:00+00:00
- Read time: 1 min
- Topics: stacy s kim, allison, northwestern university, university of michigan, proxy envy, college admissions, legacy student, daughter
## Daughter calls for Northwestern
Allison called from college road trip in 2021, wanting to attend Northwestern University where her parents met.

> Mom, I want to go there so bad. I really, really liked it
## Northwestern's single-digit admit rate
Northwestern University has a single-digit admit rate, making them extra choosy for urban Asian girls studying cognitive science.

> It's a crapshoot
## Parent's legacy connection
Stacy S. Kim's daughter Allison was named after the dorm where her parents met, a legacy student with family connections to Northwestern.

> Yup
## Parent's envy behavior
Stacy S. Kim ruminated, called alumni office, and consulted experts after her daughter was deferred by Northwestern University.

> Questioning their decisions or adding pressure to adjacent employees is not likely to help your case
## Daughter rejects parent's plan
Allison refused to write a letter to Northwestern University, saying they didn't want her and she wanted to see who did.

> No. They didn't want me. I want to see who does
## Proxy envy realization
Stacy S. Kim realized she was acting on proxy envy, envying her daughter's peers and justifying her actions as 'best for her'.

> I was acting on 'proxy envy', envying on behalf of Allison
## Daughter chooses University of Michigan
Allison attended University of Michigan, proud to be a Wolverine and calling it the best university in the world.

> She is proud to be a Wolverine and insists it's the best university in the world
## Author's background
Stacy S. Kim is a coach to high-achieving women and parents, author of Envy: Why Wanting What They Have is the Key to Getting What You Want.

> Stacy S. Kim, Ph.D., is a coach to high-achieving women and parents, and the author of Envy: Why Wanting What They Have is the Key to Getting What You Want
## Key takeaway

Stacy S. Kim regrets acting on proxy envy when her daughter Allison was deferred by Northwestern University, leading her to choose University of Michigan instead.