# Breaking the perfectionism cycle

> A mother raised to fear bad grades is teaching her son that effort matters more than perfection.
- Title: Breaking the perfectionism cycle · Business Insider | Shortify
- Summary: A mother raised to fear bad grades is teaching her son that effort matters more than perfection. Karin Crompton, raised by strict parents who punished…
- Keywords: karin crompton, parenting, perfectionism, grades, mindset, carol dweck, high school, business, technology, Breaking, cycle, Business Insider
- Source: Business Insider — https://businessinsider.com/parenting-raised-to-fear-failure-school-grades-breaking-cycle-2026-10
- Author: Karin Crompton
- Published: 2026-10-14T15:48:01.23+00:00
- Read time: 2 min
- Topics: karin crompton, parenting, perfectionism, grades, mindset, carol dweck, high school, business, technology
## Dreading the daily grade check
Karin Crompton's mother checked her homework and quiz results every day in high school. Anything less than an A or B meant trouble at home.

> Why do we treat a daily quiz as if it's my final grade?
## The perfectionism mindset
Crompton's mother, a high school softball coach with four state titles, taught the team that perfect practice makes perfect. Crompton internalized this as needing to be flawless.

> Perfect practice makes perfect.
## Staking her worth on perfection
Crompton saw everything as win or loss, success or failure. A D grade in her freshman year resulted in nuclear fallout: she was banned from fall sports.
## The breakthrough moment
Nearly thirty years later, Crompton discovered psychologist Carol Dweck's research on fixed mindset versus growth mindset. Reading Dweck's book Mindset revealed how rigid her thinking had been.
## A different approach with her son
Crompton's sophomore son stands next to her when she checks his grades on PowerSchool or Google Classroom. She focuses on effort, not the grade in isolation.
## Starting with questions, not accusations
When Crompton noticed late assignments, she asked her son what was happening. He gave reasonable answers about system glitches and teacher delays. The conversation was easy.
## What matters more than the grade
Crompton told her son something her mother never told her: the grade matters less than the effort behind it. She wants him to hold high standards without fearing failure.

> the grade matters less to me than the effort behind it.
## The results so far
Her son gets good grades including all A's once, doesn't procrastinate, and has good rapport with teachers. When he struggled in subjects, they worked together with no tears.
## Raising standards, not perfectionism
Crompton is raising a son with high standards who is resilient when things go poorly. She didn't develop that resilience as a child, but her son appears to have it.
## Key takeaway

Karin Crompton, raised by strict parents who punished anything below an A or B, is parenting her sophomore son differently by focusing on effort over grades and creating space for resilience.