# Bryony Gordon: Real Problem Behind My Mother's Hurtful Acts > Bryony Gordon reveals the third party causing her decades of anger with her mother. - Title: Bryony Gordon: Real Problem Behind My Mother's Hurtful Acts - Summary: Bryony Gordon reveals the third party causing her decades of anger with her mother. Bryony Gordon realized her father's neglect, not her mother's actions… - Keywords: bryony gordon, mother, father, attachment injuries, psychological damage, mother hunger, kelly mcdaniel, 21-day detox, self-forgiveness, daughter, emotional healing, news - Source: Dailymail — https://dailymail.com/lifestyle/family-parenting/article-16139675/BRYONY-GORDON-Ive-spent-decades-furious-mother-planned-cut-three-hurtful-acts-realised-party-real-problem.html?ito=1490&ns_campaign=1490&ns_mchannel=rss - Published: 2026-09-17T18:10:41+00:00 - Read time: 2 min - Topics: bryony gordon, mother, father, attachment injuries, psychological damage, mother hunger, kelly mcdaniel, 21-day detox, self-forgiveness, daughter, emotional healing, news ## My mother's hurtful acts I've spent decades being furious at my mother and planned to cut her off after these three hurtful acts. > I've spent decades being furious at my mother and planned to cut her off after these three hurtful acts. ## Three hurtful acts The time she suggested I was faking feeling unwell to get a day off school, when in actual fact I had appendicitis. > The time she suggested I was faking feeling unwell to get a day off school, when in actual fact I had appendicitis. ## Her dieting habits The fact she was always on a diet, too weak from existing on cabbage soup and Diet Coke to fight the patriarchal forces that told her the worst thing a woman could be was fat. > The fact she was always on a diet, too weak from existing on cabbage soup and Diet Coke to fight the patriarchal forces that told her the worst thing a woman could be was fat. ## Her appearance How she insists on looking glamorous whenever she leaves the house, while I look like a potato. > How she insists on looking glamorous whenever she leaves the house, while I look like a potato. ## The Christmas vouchers The Christmas she got my sister a voucher from Liberty, and me one from Amazon. > The Christmas she got my sister a voucher from Liberty, and me one from Amazon. ## Therapist's insight My therapist said I never seem to have anything to say about my dad. > My therapist said I never seem to have anything to say about my dad. ## My father's role My dad wasn't a problem because he was never really around; he was always away or working. > My dad wasn't a problem because he was never really around; he was always away or working. ## The real problem I realised the third party who was the real problem was my father's absence. > I realised the third party who was the real problem was my father's absence. ## Kelly McDaniel's book Kelly McDaniel advocates daughters cut their mothers off to heal from psychological damage caused by mothers working during the first three years of life. > Kelly McDaniel advocates daughters cut their mothers off to heal from psychological damage unwittingly caused by them going out to work during the first three years of their life. ## The 21-day detox McDaniel suggests a 21-day detox from mothers to heal psychological damage. > McDaniel suggests that during the 21-day period, you give yourself the care and attention you were 'denied' as a child. ## My temptation I've felt tempted to go 'no-contact' on my mum, but it wouldn't be healing. > I'm not going to lie and say it hasn't sometimes felt tempting to go 'no-contact' on my mum. ## Why no-contact isn't healing No-contact is punishment dressed as therapy and damages both mothers and daughters. > It's the opposite. It's punishment, dressed up as therapy. And it's damaging not just to our mothers, but to ourselves. ## Parenting in the past Most parents were doing their best with limited psychological tools. > Most parents, no matter how badly we judge them now, were only doing their best at the time. ## Waiting for apologies Waiting for apologies is futile and leads to self-harm. > Waiting for apologies, I've come to realise, is one of the most futile activities known to humankind. ## Philip Larkin's quote Philip Larkin wrote: 'They f*** you up, your mum and dad.' > They f*** you up, your mum and dad. ## The real issue The real issue is that mothers and fathers are both responsible for childhood trauma. > But today it seems it's only your mum who is held responsible for how messed up you are, while your dad gets off scot-free. ## Self-forgiveness Self-forgiveness is key to healing and understanding. > The forgiveness you are willing to extend to others is always, always reflective of the forgiveness you are willing to extend to yourself. ## What happens next I hope to apologize to my daughter when she criticizes my parenting. > And when my own daughter grows up and inevitably decides to criticise me for some failure of parenting I didn't recognise at the time, I hope I'll be able to apologise. ## Key takeaway Bryony Gordon realized her father's neglect, not her mother's actions, was the real source of her childhood trauma.