# Dear Abby: Setting boundaries with neighbors who judge your family

> A lesbian couple navigates how to decline playdates with neighbors whose church condemns LGBTQ people.
- Title: Dear Abby: Setting boundaries with neighbors who judge your…
- Summary: A lesbian couple navigates how to decline playdates with neighbors whose church condemns LGBTQ people. You can respectfully decline uncomfortable situations…
- Keywords: dear abby, lgbtq families, neighbors, parenting, boundaries, family conflict, lesbian couple, transgender child, fundamentalist church, news, entertainment, Dear
- Source: New York Post — https://nypost.com/2026/09/16/lifestyle/dear-abby-my-neighbor-says-being-gay-is-a-sin-as-it-has-posed-a-family-conflict
- Published: 2026-09-16T10:00:00+00:00
- Read time: 1 min
- Topics: dear abby, lgbtq families, neighbors, parenting, boundaries, family conflict, lesbian couple, transgender child, fundamentalist church, news, entertainment
## Neighbors with opposing values
A lesbian couple with a transgender child live next to neighbors whose fundamentalist church teaches that being gay is a sin and transgender people are mentally ill. The neighbors' daughter wants to have playdates with the couple's child.

> I don't think it's emotionally safe for my kid to be over there.
## A kind way to say no
Abby advises saying you're not comfortable with your daughter spending time at someone's home you don't know well. This gives a polite reason without stating the real ideological conflict.

> Tell her you aren't comfortable letting your daughter spend time inside the home of someone you don't know well.
## Build connection through dinner
Abby suggests inviting the neighbors over for a casual outdoor barbecue to test whether the families are truly incompatible. If they are, the playdate invitations will likely stop naturally.
## Boyfriend won't set boundaries with adult son
A woman in her late 50s says her boyfriend constantly brings takeout or half-eaten meals home for his adult son during their date nights, blurring boundaries and spoiling their intimate time together.

> I feel suffocated and like I'm dating two rather than one in that household.
## Years of unresolved conflict
Despite two years of conversations, the boyfriend refuses to change his behavior and uses his single-parent history as justification. The woman worries moving in together would be impossible.
## Abby's verdict: end it
Abby tells the woman that unless she wants to become a family of three, she should end the relationship. Living together would doom it from day one given her feelings about his son.

> the relationship would be doomed from the moment you unpacked your bags.
## Key takeaway

You can respectfully decline uncomfortable situations by citing unfamiliarity rather than stating ideological differences.