# Five ways to stay calm when your kid melts down

> A psychologist's guide to riding out a tantrum without feeding it, and what your child learns either way.
- Title: Five ways to stay calm when your kid melts down · Psychologies
- Summary: A psychologist's guide to riding out a tantrum without feeding it, and what your child learns either way. Stay steady and get curious about what is driving…
- Keywords: parenting, emotions, tantrums, psychology, kids, Five, ways, stay, calm, kid, melts, Psychologies
- Source: Psychologies — https://psychologies.com/famille/Les-parents-qui-gerent-le-mieux-les-crises-de-leur-enfant-font-ces-5-choses-ils-laident-a-devenir-plus-intelligent-emotionnellement-638707
- Author: Bokhobza Olivia
- Published: 2026-09-12T10:02:29+00:00
- Read time: 2 min
- Topics: parenting, emotions, tantrums, psychology, kids
## Every age has its meltdown
The toddler throws themselves on the floor and screams in public. The teenager slams the door. Different scenes, same drain on the parent.
## Giving in teaches the wrong lesson
Caving to the loudest moment tells a child that turning the volume up gets results. Staying steady is what breaks that link.
## Who is behind the advice
Juli Fraga, American psychologist and co-author of "Parents Have Feelings, Too", laid out five habits in a CNBC piece for handling crises calmly.
## Put your own mask on first
Fraga's first rule is to settle yourself before you settle your child. Same logic as the oxygen mask on a plane during a loss of pressure.

> j'ai travaillé avec des centaines de parents qui se sentent dépassés
## Calm is contagious
Children catch a parent's steadiness the way they catch panic. Pause and take five deep belly breaths to trigger your body's relaxation response.

> lorsque les parents restent calmes, les enfants « attrapent » en quelque sorte ce calme
## Be a detective, not a CEO
Outbursts are a form of communication, a set of clues. Ask what might be going on for your child right now rather than moving straight to fixing it.

> Agissez comme un détective, plutôt qu'un PDG
## Name the feeling underneath
Explosive behaviour is usually a shield against shame, guilt or sadness. Ask simple questions that help your child put words to what is actually there.

> ils n'aident pas les enfants à « ressentir et gérer » les difficultés de la vie sur le long terme
## Look at your own reactions
When the difficult behaviour keeps repeating, Fraga says to turn the question around. How do you handle your emotions, and is your child mirroring you?

> Est-ce que le comportement de mon enfant reflète le mien ?
## Hunt the daily stressors
A new baby, a hard class, trouble with friends at school. Keep talking and question the routine to lower the background stress that builds into explosions.
## Small tweaks, real difference
Cut back the after-school activities, shift the timings, offer a 6pm snack, plan something quiet before the usual flashpoint. The parent's stance is what moves things.
## Key takeaway

Stay steady and get curious about what is driving the outburst, instead of racing to shut it down.