# How to actually spot when someone is lying

> Forget shifty eyes. A psychologist says the real tell is when someone breaks their normal communication pattern.
- Title: How to actually spot when someone is lying · MadeForMums
- Summary: Forget shifty eyes. A psychologist says the real tell is when someone breaks their normal communication pattern. Watch for changes in how someone usually…
- Keywords: lie detection, body language, psychology, parenting, relationships, dr sasha hall, communication patterns, behavioral change, child behavior, deception detection, actually, spot
- Source: MadeForMums — https://madeformums.com/features/how-to-tell-if-your-children-or-partner-is-lying-to-you
- Read time: 2 min
- Topics: lie detection, body language, psychology, parenting, relationships, dr sasha hall, communication patterns, behavioral change, child behavior, deception detection
## Shifty eyes don't prove lying
Avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, and touching your face can happen for many reasons: tiredness, anxiety, distraction, or careful thinking. Someone holding your gaze confidently isn't automatically telling the truth either.

> People often rely on popular ideas about body language, such as avoiding eye contact or fidgeting, but these behaviours can occur for many different reasons.
## Know their baseline first
Everyone has their own natural communication style. Some people are expressive, others reserved. What gives people away is a change from their own baseline, not matching some universal lie-detector checklist.

> What actually gives people away is a change from their own baseline.
## Watch for speech pace shifts
A normally fast talker suddenly slowing down, or someone careful with words suddenly rushing, especially around one topic, can signal something's off. But context matters, stress and tiredness affect speech too.
## Notice changes in detail level
Someone suddenly over-explaining when they usually stay quiet, or becoming much less forthcoming than normal, might be worth paying attention to. Again, this is a clue, not proof.
## Look for animation changes
An expressive person becoming unusually restrained, or a typically quiet person suddenly becoming much more animated, can indicate a shift. Compare it to how they normally interact.
## Track engagement shifts
Becoming withdrawn, unusually attentive, or responding differently from normal when challenged might suggest something's changed. But these behaviors alone don't confirm dishonesty.
## We're worse at this than we think
Most people believe they're good at spotting lies, but evidence shows we're generally not as accurate as we imagine. We tend to read meaning into single gestures instead of looking at the whole picture.

> The evidence suggests we are generally not as accurate as we believe.
## Look at the whole pattern
No single behavior reliably proves someone is lying. Look at several changes together, compare them to what's normal for that person, and consider what's happening around them. It's a clue, not proof.

> Without that context, it is very easy to read meaning into behaviours that may be entirely typical for that individual.
## Key takeaway

Watch for changes in how someone usually talks and behaves, not isolated gestures like avoiding eye contact or fidgeting.