# How to tell someone they're too sick to be here > Asking a feverish colleague or friend to go home feels rude. Here's how to do it without making them feel judged. - Title: How to tell someone they're too sick to be here · TIME - Summary: Asking a feverish colleague or friend to go home feels rude. Here's how to do it without making them feel judged. Social psychologists and etiquette experts… - Keywords: workplace etiquette, social interaction, sick leave, workplace culture, illness management, communication, vanessa bohns, cornell university, news, world, tell, someone - Source: TIME — https://time.com/article/2026/10/07/what-to-say-when-someone-shows-up-sick - Author: Angela Haupt - Published: 2026-10-07T15:22:56.088+00:00 - Read time: 3 min - Topics: workplace etiquette, social interaction, sick leave, workplace culture, illness management, communication, vanessa bohns, cornell university, news, world ## The awkward moment A feverish colleague sits down at your two p.m. meeting with no intention of leaving. You worry about breathing the same air but fear seeming rude if you say something. ## Why it feels so uncomfortable Asking someone to leave sends two messages: you did something wrong, and I do not want you here. It threatens their standing as a good person, says Vanessa Bohns, a social psychologist at Cornell University. > If you say something to someone and you call them out, in a way you're judging them. It threatens their standing as a good person. ## But you should still speak up Bohns says it is worth saying something. The key is to make your request clear while reassuring the person that you care about them and would like to see them when they are feeling better. > it's worth saying something. ## Offering a graceful exit at work Before speaking, consider what you can realistically offer.Could you take notes for your colleague?Help them join remotely?Reschedule a meeting?Giving someone a way to bow out with grace makes your request easier to accept. ## What to say to a peer A peer should frame it as a request, not an order. Speak privately or send a quick message instead of calling someone out in front of the room, says Elaine Swann, an etiquette expert in… ## What managers should say A manager can instruct someone to head home.Dr.Heidi Torres, an infectious-disease physician at Weill Cornell Medicine, tells colleagues: You stay home, you be guilt free.We are fine.We do not need you to be here. > You stay home, you be guilt free. We are fine. We do not need you to be here. ## Address the real barrier Someone worried about an unfinished project may hear go home as finish it from bed. ## When money is the real issue Some people cannot afford to miss a shift or worry they will be penalized for calling out.No carefully worded request can fix a lack of paid sick leave or a strict attendance policy. ## When your boss is the sick one Frame your request around a shared work goal, especially if your manager treats pushing through illness as a badge of honor. Vanessa Bohns suggests saying: One of us should stay healthy for this project. > One of us should stay healthy for this project. ## Set expectations before flu season Dr.Torres recommends establishing a coverage plan ahead of cold and flu season so employees know who will take their shift or handle urgent work. ## Managers must lead by example Even a workplace that offers paid time off and backup coverage sends a conflicting message when the boss shows up with a fever.That policy feels more like decoration, Dr.Torres says. > That policy feels more like decoration. ## Relieving pressure at a dinner party Your friend may have dragged themselves to your dinner party because they thought you would be disappointed if they canceled.Start by relieving that pressure: I am so sorry you are feeling so lousy. > I'm so sorry you're feeling so lousy. You should definitely go home and rest. ## When they insist it is just a cold Instead of arguing, keep the focus on you.Vanessa Bohns suggests: I am just being extra careful right now. > I'm just being extra careful right now. ## Context matters for others What is just a cold to one person could be a much bigger deal to someone else. ## You can leave yourself If you are ready to leave, you do not have to wait for someone else to make the first move.At work, privately message your manager to ask whether you can join remotely. ## Key takeaway Social psychologists and etiquette experts offer scripts for asking sick people to leave work or social events while preserving their dignity and addressing their real barriers to staying home.