# Maybe It’s Time to Date Outside Your Type

> Your type isn't a compatibility test, redefine what matters for lasting love.
- Title: Maybe It’s Time to Date Outside Your Type · Cosmopolitan
- Summary: Your type isn't a compatibility test, redefine what matters for lasting love. Having a type doesn't guarantee happiness; focus on shared values and emotional…
- Keywords: dating, type, compatibility, relationship, height, attraction, chemistry, relationship therapy, joy berkheimer, maisy bristol, love lab, relationship advice
- Source: Cosmopolitan — https://cosmopolitan.com/relationships/a73857375/dating-outside-your-type
- Author: Rachel Varina
- Published: 2026-09-30T19:35:01+00:00
- Read time: 1 min
- Topics: dating, type, compatibility, relationship, height, attraction, chemistry, relationship therapy, joy berkheimer, maisy bristol, love lab, relationship advice
## Alexa's Type
Alexa's type was beautiful but dumb as a rock, requiring at least six feet tall partners.

> Beautiful but dumb as a rock
## Alexa's Marriage
Alexa married a 5'10" man after ten years of dating exclusively six-foot-tall fraternity guys.

> 5'10"
## Type vs. Preference
Having a type is fine, but letting it make decisions for you is where things get stupid.

> where things get *checks notes* stupid
## Type Isn't Compatibility
A type is a collection of qualities learned to associate with desire, not genuine compatibility.

> A 'type' is usually a collection of qualities a person has learned to associate with desire
## Past Relationships
Past relationships can reinforce attraction to a familiar 'type', making it feel natural over time.

> past relationships can reinforce our attraction to a certain 'type'
## Chemistry Isn't Instruction
Chemistry is information but not instruction, familiarity can create sparks without compatibility.

> Chemistry is information, but it is not always instruction
## Attraction vs. Type
Not your type doesn't mean you're not attracted to them, attraction can grow through emotional intimacy.

> Not my type is not the same thing as I'm not attracted to them
## Height Doesn't Matter
The height that seemed nonnegotiable when swiping on Hinge probably matters less when you're older.

> The height that seemed nonnegotiable when you were swiping on Hinge
## What Matters Most
Do they respect you? Do they make you feel valued? Can you build a life together?

> Do you actually like being around this person? Do they respect you? Do you respect them?
## Alexa's Realization
Alexa realized two inches weren't actually one of her standards after marrying a 5'10" man.

> two inches weren't actually one of them
## Key takeaway

Having a type doesn't guarantee happiness; focus on shared values and emotional connection instead of arbitrary traits.