# My Mom Wants Me to Start My Marriage on a Lie

> A couple faces a white lie about wedding costs to spare sensitive parents-in-law from financial strain.
- Title: My Mom Wants Me to Start My Marriage on a Lie · Slate Magazine
- Summary: A couple faces a white lie about wedding costs to spare sensitive parents-in-law from financial strain. Tell your fiancé the truth about the financial…
- Keywords: wedding, financial lie, parents-in-law, fiancé, money advice, honesty, marriage, white lie, Mom, Wants, Start, Lie
- Source: Slate Magazine — https://slate.com/advice/2026/09/money-advice-wedding-white-lie.html?via=rss
- Author: Ilyce Glink
- Published: 2026-09-21T10:00:00+00:00
- Read time: 1 min
- Topics: wedding, financial lie, parents-in-law, fiancé, money advice, honesty, marriage, white lie
## The white lie proposal
The mother plans to tell the future mother-in-law that other relatives are paying for the engagement party to avoid financial burden.

> My mom, who is not necessarily wealthy, but in a better financial position than my future in-laws, will be covering the costs.
## The parents-in-law's situation
The future in-laws are retired, financially sensitive, and have worked hard for a long time but lack significant resources.

> They are retired and worked very hard for a very long time.
## The fiancé's perspective
The fiancé is sensitive to his parents' finances and has previously felt embarrassed about their financial situation.

> He had some initial embarrassment about telling me their situation.
## The advice column's response
The advice column recommends telling the fiancé the truth about the financial situation to maintain honesty and avoid marital tension.

> You should absolutely tell your fiancé and make sure he’s okay with it.
## The relationship context
The couple has been open and honest about money and values, prioritizing transparency over financial games.

> We are in our late 30s/early 40s, and we have both learned that playing mind games is not something either of us want in a marriage.
## The proposed solution
The couple should directly communicate with the parents-in-law about the financial arrangement without inventing a false gift.

> He should take the lead and let his parents know how much you appreciate their time, help, and love, but that they do not need to contribute anything financially.
## Key takeaway

Tell your fiancé the truth about the financial situation to avoid marital tension.