# Sex Advice: Confusion Over Intimacy During Transition

> Trans person shares struggle with communicating sexual needs during intimacy.
- Title: Sex Advice: Confusion Over Intimacy During Transition
- Summary: Trans person shares struggle with communicating sexual needs during intimacy. A transfeminine nonbinary person in transition seeks advice on expressing…
- Keywords: transfeminine, nonbinary, sex, intimacy, transition, confusion, relationship, communication, sexual, vulva, Advice, During
- Source: Slate Magazine — https://slate.com/advice/2026/10/sex-advice-dealbreaker-confidence-desire.html?via=rss
- Author: Jessica Stoya
- Published: 2026-10-20T18:19:20.689+00:00
- Read time: 1 min
- Topics: transfeminine, nonbinary, sex, intimacy, transition, confusion, relationship, communication, sexual, vulva
## Trans person shares struggle with communicating sexual needs
A transfeminine nonbinary person in their mid-30s, one and a half years into transition, worries about expressing sexual preferences without disrupting relationships.
## Worries about genital involvement in sex
They fear inexperience with vulvas might end up being a dealbreaker for sapphic partners, but feel patient and intimate touching is their favorite.
## Sex preferences focus on non-genital intimacy
They prefer face nuzzling, kissing, and patient touching over genital-focused sex, though they’re open to their penis playing a role.
## Seeking tools for communication
They want to know how to figure out what they want without messing up with someone they really like and how to communicate this confidently.
## Advice on handling uncertainty
The column suggests rolling with uncertainty, noticing signals of pleasure or disengagement, and communicating needs clearly without ruining relationships.
## Key advice for confidence
They should stick to people they’re attracted to, feel patience from, and have a baseline that intimacy can develop from.
## Setting boundaries without disappointment
They can let partners know below the belt is unexplored territory, confirm understanding, and know that no one knows how a sexual encounter will play out.
## Long-term confidence building
They have lived over three decades, are one and a half years into transition, and have no difficulty finding people attracted to them.
## The column’s impact
They’ve read the column for years and credit it with helping them become emotionally intelligent and comfortable with exploring sexuality.
## Key takeaway

A transfeminine nonbinary person in transition seeks advice on expressing sexual preferences without disrupting relationships.