# She asked us to raise her son. We said no.

> A woman is called her sister's "last hope" for guardianship, and told a boy's future is on her conscience if she refuses.
- Title: She asked us to raise her son. We said no. · Slate Magazine
- Summary: A woman is called her sister's "last hope" for guardianship, and told a boy's future is on her conscience if she refuses. You can say no to being someone's…
- Keywords: parenting, family, guardianship, boundaries, advice, asked, raise, son, Slate Magazine
- Source: Slate Magazine — https://slate.com/advice/2026/09/parent-advice-sister-family-request.html?via=rss
- Author: Michelle Herman
- Published: 2026-09-12T12:00:00+00:00
- Read time: 1 min
- Topics: parenting, family, guardianship, boundaries, advice
## A question about the unthinkable
A woman's sister, Hannah, asked her and her husband to become legal guardians of 7-year-old Troy if Hannah and her husband died.
## Why she said no
Troy has intermittent explosive disorder and has had violent rages since he was a toddler. The letter writer has two kids under 6, one with special needs, and won't risk their safety.

> His frustration threshold is nonexistent.
## Called the last hope
Every other relative who could plausibly take Troy has already declined. Hannah got furious and told her sister she was the only one left.

> I am her "last hope."
## The guilt trip
Hannah warned that if the worst happens while Troy is a minor, it will be her sister's fault when he ends up institutionalized.
## Stop trying to be understood
Michelle's answer: drop the goal of making Hannah see it your way. Being understood might soothe you, but it does nothing for her, and it's beside the point.

> You have every right to say no.
## Both sides were tactless
A simple "I wish we could, but we can't" would have landed softer than the full explanation. Though calling someone your last resort isn't diplomatic either.

> Both you and Hannah might try to practice a little diplomacy.
## What to say when she lashes out
Answer with a sorrowful "I hope that doesn't happen," then let her vent, even if it turns mean. Her problem is hers to solve. Also: retire the word "regular" for kids.

> Her understanding the reasons for your answer doesn't help her solve her problem.
## Key takeaway

You can say no to being someone's guardian without proving your reasons. Their panic is real, but solving it is not your job.