# Stop searching for someone without baggage

> Dating coach Logan Ury explains why looking for a perfect partner is setting yourself up to fail.
- Title: Stop searching for someone without baggage · Psychologies
- Summary: Dating coach Logan Ury explains why looking for a perfect partner is setting yourself up to fail. Real love isn't about finding someone without flaws. It's…
- Keywords: logan ury, dating advice, relationships, behavioral science, love, singles, dating coach, perfectionism, compatibility, emotional baggage, Stop, searching
- Source: Psychologies — https://psychologies.com/couple/seduction/rencontres/Logan-Ury-les-personnes-qui-ne-trouvent-pas-lamour-font-tous-cette-erreur-640301
- Author: Laurena Valette
- Published: 2026-09-16T18:02:47+00:00
- Read time: 1 min
- Topics: logan ury, dating advice, relationships, behavioral science, love, singles, dating coach, perfectionism, compatibility, emotional baggage
## The checklist trap
After many dates, singles create increasingly precise lists of requirements. But spotting any flaw becomes a reason to move on to the next profile.
## The person you seek doesn't exist
Logan Ury says singles make one critical error: searching for someone without baggage. But everyone arrives in a relationship with history, fears, and habits.

> "Tout le monde a des bagages"
## Everyone carries something
Difficult breakups, complicated families, trust issues, or obligations from previous relationships. These experiences shape who we are at different levels.
## The honeymoon phase hides reality
Romantic comedies show perfect partners with no past. In reality, that image lasts only the first months when people show their most attractive version.
## Ask the right question
Stop asking if someone is perfect. Instead ask: can I accept their baggage? Are their vulnerabilities compatible with how I live? Can I understand them?

> "une personne avec des bagages que vous acceptez de porter"
## Strong couples handle conflict together
The strongest relationships aren't those without difficulties. They're built by partners who accept each other's imperfections and feel safe growing together.
## Key takeaway

Real love isn't about finding someone without flaws. It's about finding someone whose imperfections you can accept and live with.