# The #1 habit that predicts breaking up > Contempt is the strongest predictor of divorce. Here's how to spot it and stop it before it destroys your relationship. - Title: The #1 habit that predicts breaking up · Cosmopolitan - Summary: Contempt is the strongest predictor of divorce. Here's how to spot it and stop it before it destroys your relationship. Contempt, feeling superior to your… - Keywords: contempt, relationships, divorce prediction, john gottman, relationship therapy, communication, couples therapy, relationship habits, breakup prevention, emotional intimacy, conflict resolution, gottman institute - Source: Cosmopolitan — https://cosmopolitan.com/relationships/a73688330/relationship-habits-to-eliminate - Author: Gabrielle Kassel - Published: 2026-09-17T21:02:28+00:00 - Read time: 3 min - Topics: contempt, relationships, divorce prediction, john gottman, relationship therapy, communication, couples therapy, relationship habits, breakup prevention, emotional intimacy, conflict resolution, gottman institute ## One habit predicts breakups Psychologist John Gottman studied hundreds of couples for decades and found one behavior that reliably predicts divorce: contempt. The Gottman Institute now calls it the number one predictor of relationship demise. ## What contempt actually is Contempt is a feeling of superiority over your partner, fueled by the belief that you're better than them. It manifests as attacks on their character, not just disagreements about behavior. > Contempt is a feeling of superiority over one's partner. ## How contempt sounds Contemptuous comments humiliate and degrade. Instead of 'I'm frustrated you were late,' a contemptuous partner says 'Are you ever going to learn how to tell time? I learned when I was 5.' > Are you ever going to learn how to tell time? I learned when I was 5. ## Contempt without words Eye-rolling, sneering, smirking, and scoffing all communicate contempt non-verbally. Even tilting your head back or turning your body away can signal superiority depending on context. ## Contempt builds slowly Contempt often emerges from unmet needs, accumulated hurt, or conflicts that never get resolved. When painful interactions stay unprocessed and misunderstood, contempt increases over time. ## Betrayal sparks contempt Contempt can emerge directly from betrayal: affairs, financial deceit, hidden addictions, and repeated lies all trigger feelings of betrayal that start a domino effect of contempt. ## When one partner has no say Extreme rigidity where one partner has no influence over decisions leads the other to feel powerless. Complaints about never getting a say slowly devolve into 'I can't stand you.' ## Some people are prone to it Some people bring contemptuous behavior into all their relationships, not just romantic ones. This tendency may stem from personality traits like antagonism or entitlement. ## Childhood shapes contempt If you grew up in a household where contempt was commonplace, you may internalize it as normal. Over time, contempt can become an automatic way of relating to people you love. ## Contempt isn't always fatal A relationship with contempt isn't necessarily doomed. Nearly all couples in therapy have experienced some contempt. But something has to change, or the relationship will end. > A relationship that harbors contempt is not necessarily doomed. ## Take intentional timeouts When either partner becomes flooded or shuts down during conflict, take a 20 to 30 minute break to let your nervous system calm down. Then return to the conversation at a specific agreed-upon time. ## Learn to complain better Instead of attacking character, use this formula: say what you feel, name the specific situation, and tell your partner what you need. 'I'm stressed the bills aren't paid. Can you pay them tonight?' works better than contempt. ## Compliment regularly Express admiration for your partner often. Compliment not just their appearance but their behaviors, ideas, and efforts. This counters the superiority at the heart of contempt. ## Notice what they do right Thank your partner for small things: filling bike tires, restocking toilet paper, remembering your favorite snack. These tiny acknowledgments prevent resentment about what they're not doing from piling up. ## Get professional help Contempt is often fueled by subterranean feelings that need to be surfaced and understood. A trained therapist can create a safe space to express resentments and teach healthier communication. ## Key takeaway Contempt, feeling superior to your partner, is the number one predictor of breakups, but it's fixable if both partners commit to change.