From the Guardian · · 2m
When love between men goes unseen
Patrick Lenton's phone categorises photos of him and his boyfriend as 'best friends'. It is not alone in treating same-sex relationships as invisible.
In brief
Patrick Lenton's phone categorises photos of him and his boyfriend as 'best friends'. It is not alone in treating same-sex relationships as invisible. Same-sex couples face invisibility in everyday situations, from restaurants to smartphone algorithms, which normalises the idea that queer relationships are abnormal…
The invisible couple in Rome
Patrick Lenton and his boyfriend played a game in Italy called invisible gays. At romantic restaurants, rose sellers approached other couples but not them, treating two men as something other than a romantic pair.
Seven times they were passed over
More than seven episodes of being passed over at romantic tourist traps were marked on their scorecard.
Hyper visible or completely erased
Lenton is used to being hyper visible as a same-sex couple, drawing unwanted attention and homophobic spotlight. But he has also experienced the opposite: being treated as invisible, with his relationship unrecognised as romantic.
Violence and the cost of visibility
Lenton has experienced hate crimes and been chased by men while holding his boyfriend's hand. Over the past year in Australia, hate crimes against gay and bisexual men have been making headlines.
Why invisibility still matters
With the ten year anniversary of the marriage equality win coming up next year, invisibility in same-sex relationships makes queer love seem abnormal.
The phone that sees best friends
Lenton's smartphone creates automatic photo collections.It sorts all photos of him and his boyfriend into a folder called best friends, including intimate photos.His actual best friends and women he has dated never appear there.
Algorithms inherit society's blindness
The phone's categorisation shows that homosexual invisibility is hardwired into aspects of society. A phone short-circuits and decides two men in love are just good friends, treating queer relationships as abnormal by default.
“a phone short-circuits and decides that two men in love are just good bros”
Too much or too little visibility
Lenton describes a Goldilocks problem with queer relationship visibility: there is too much visibility or there is not enough. Same-sex couples face either unwanted homophobic attention or complete erasure from recognition.
“It seems as though we have a Goldilocks problem with queer relationship visibility: there's too much visibility or there's not enough.”
What Lenton wants to change
Lenton wants to express his love for his boyfriend publicly and without risk of violence, for it to be recognised as romantic.
The bottom line
Same-sex couples face invisibility in everyday situations, from restaurants to smartphone algorithms, which normalises the idea that queer relationships are abnormal and can fertilise justification for violence.
