From Business Insider · Pressley Frevert · · 2m
The ambition trap of stay-at-home parenting
A former journalist discovers that raising children demands a different kind of work, one that resists the productivity mindset she brought from her career.
In brief
A former journalist discovers that raising children demands a different kind of work, one that resists the productivity mindset she brought from her career. Pressley Frevert quit journalism to raise her children but struggled to stop treating parenting as a series of tasks to accomplish, learning instead to value…
A decade in journalism
Pressley Frevert worked in journalism for a decade before having children. She had an identity as a hard worker and was proud of it, even when it meant teaching colleagues basic tasks.
Channeling ambition into parenting
When Frevert quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom, she was working just as hard as ever. She channeled her perseverance into her children's childhoods, seeking the same satisfaction she had found at work.
The problem with task-based parenting
Frevert often felt she was hurrying from one activity to the next.Unlike journalism, where her work appeared in print the next morning, parenting results take literal years to show, and no one says thank you.
Three uninterrupted hours
When Frevert's son started preschool in the fall, she and her daughter had three uninterrupted hours together every weekday morning. She immediately treated the time as something to tackle with activities and errands.
A garden walk that lasted longer
Frevert planned a half-hour walk to the neighborhood garden with her daughter.It took an hour and a half.
“I was as proud of myself as I was when I finally taught that old coworker how to save the Word doc as a PDF.”
Learning to slow down
Frevert struggled with her daughter's glacial pace, wondering how many towels she could fold in an hour and a half.
“It's hard for me to go at an eighteen-month-old's glacial pace.”
The real accomplishment
Frevert realized the accomplishment was in slowing down enough to let her daughter do things without rushing her to the next task. She is trying to get less done, which may actually be achieving more.
“The accomplishment is actually in slowing down enough to let her do those things without me rushing her on to the next task.”
Rethinking her role
Frevert is reminding herself that the true way to be the hardest worker in this stage of parenting is to go at her daughter's pace.
Looking ahead to kindergarten
Frevert is channeling her ambition into researching kindergarten for her son, who will start elementary school next fall. She wonders if it is too soon to sign up for the PTA.
“Do you think it's too soon to sign up for the PTA?”
The bottom line
Pressley Frevert quit journalism to raise her children but struggled to stop treating parenting as a series of tasks to accomplish, learning instead to value slowing down.
