Estranged mom warns therapy advice may push families apart

Laura Wellington, a Connecticut mother estranged from her adult daughter since 2024, says therapy raises the bar for good parenting.

“Therapy has sort of raised the bar of what is good enough parenting.”

Surge in parent-child estrangements

Nearly four in 10 Americans are estranged from at least one close family member, including 24% from siblings, 16% from parents, and 10% from children.

Therapy linked to estrangements

1,014 parents reported their children began therapy within a year before estrangement, and 515 said therapy influenced their decision.

Therapy debate

Richard Blake, a psychology researcher, calls the trend an 'overcorrection' and says therapy can be fueling family estrangements.

“There is a lot of debate online about whether it's happening or not.”

Therapy's role in estrangements

Some therapists focus too narrowly on one person's experience, causing family fractures instead of addressing multi-pronged issues.

“Some therapists have contributed to family fractures by focusing too narrowly on one person's experience, when it's actually a "multi-pronged situation."”

Therapy and emotional abuse

Differences in values can cause estrangements, including political, religious, and language disagreements.

“People are cutting people off because of divergence in values.”

Therapy's impact on communication

Parents encouraged to apologize when they've done something wrong, but therapists should consider broader circumstances.

“Wellington added that she has seen parents encouraged to apologize to their adult children, something she supports when the parent has done something wrong, but believes therapists should consider the broader circumstances surrounding the estrangement.”

Therapy and mental health

Therapy can be helpful if therapists understand estrangement's broader impact, but not if they lack warmth or validation.

“Very unhelpful”

Finding a path forward

Mediation with a neutral third party may help repair relationships without blaming parents or children.

“Communication with a mediator, whether it’s a therapist or a professional mediator, can be really productive.”

What happens next

Families can maintain relationships despite differing opinions, as long as communication remains open.

“You can have a different opinion, and you can also have a relationship with your parent who has the other opinion, and that's ok.”