From Newsweek · · 1m 30s
Alma Mater Rejected Daughter
Parent regrets proxy envy after daughter's college rejection.
In brief
Parent regrets proxy envy after daughter's college rejection. Stacy S. Kim regrets acting on proxy envy when her daughter Allison was deferred by Northwestern University, leading her to choose University of Michigan instead. Originally reported by Newsweek.
Daughter calls for Northwestern
Allison called from college road trip in 2021, wanting to attend Northwestern University where her parents met.
“Mom, I want to go there so bad. I really, really liked it”
Northwestern's single-digit admit rate
Northwestern University has a single-digit admit rate, making them extra choosy for urban Asian girls studying cognitive science.
“It's a crapshoot”
Parent's legacy connection
Stacy S. Kim's daughter Allison was named after the dorm where her parents met, a legacy student with family connections to Northwestern.
“Yup”
Parent's envy behavior
Stacy S. Kim ruminated, called alumni office, and consulted experts after her daughter was deferred by Northwestern University.
“Questioning their decisions or adding pressure to adjacent employees is not likely to help your case”
Daughter rejects parent's plan
Allison refused to write a letter to Northwestern University, saying they didn't want her and she wanted to see who did.
“No. They didn't want me. I want to see who does”
Proxy envy realization
Stacy S. Kim realized she was acting on proxy envy, envying her daughter's peers and justifying her actions as 'best for her'.
“I was acting on 'proxy envy', envying on behalf of Allison”
Daughter chooses University of Michigan
Allison attended University of Michigan, proud to be a Wolverine and calling it the best university in the world.
“She is proud to be a Wolverine and insists it's the best university in the world”
Author's background
Stacy S. Kim is a coach to high-achieving women and parents, author of Envy: Why Wanting What They Have is the Key to Getting What You Want.
“Stacy S. Kim, Ph.D., is a coach to high-achieving women and parents, and the author of Envy: Why Wanting What They Have is the Key to Getting What You Want”
The bottom line
Stacy S. Kim regrets acting on proxy envy when her daughter Allison was deferred by Northwestern University, leading her to choose University of Michigan instead.
