From Slate Magazine · Danny M. Lavery · · 1m 30s
Fiancé's Jealousy and Past Affair
A fiancé's trust issues clash with a decade-old affair secret.
In brief
A fiancé's trust issues clash with a decade-old affair secret. A woman must decide whether to reveal her past affair with a coworker to her fiancé who has trust issues. Originally reported by Slate Magazine.
Past Love Affair
A woman admits to a decade-old affair with a coworker named Amir.
“Ten years ago, I had an affair with a co-worker, “Amir.””
Marriage Dissolved
Her marriage ended for unrelated reasons while Amir's did not.
“My marriage at the time eventually dissolved for unrelated reasons; his did not.”
Current Engagement
She is now engaged and regrets her past actions.
“I am now engaged, and I deeply regret my actions of a decade ago.”
Fiancé's Trust Issues
Her fiancé has trust issues due to past paternity test drama.
“My fiancé has trust issues because his ex tried to convince him he was the father of someone else’s baby.”
Couples Counseling
They are in couples’ counseling but the counselor advises against dwelling on the past.
“We are in couples’ counseling. Our counselor has said it would be counterproductive to dwell on the past.”
Recent Contact with Amir
She has a recent promotion that puts her back in contact with Amir.
“A recent promotion puts me back in direct contact with Amir.”
Career Concerns
She fears her career will be jeopardized without leaving her position.
“I can’t leave my position without jeopardizing my career.”
Lateral Move Timeline
She will need at least a year before she can make a lateral move into another department.
“It will be at least a year before I can make a lateral move into another department.”
Fiancé's Jealous Reaction
Her fiancé reacted negatively when her ex-husband invited them to his engagement party.
“My fiancé has trouble with jealousy and reacted negatively when my ex-husband invited us to his engagement party.”
Pandora's Box Dilemma
She must decide whether to reveal Amir to her fiancé or let the secret remain.
“So do I open up the box or let it sit?”
Advice Columnist Response
The advice columnist suggests she doesn’t need to reveal Amir to her fiancé.
“I don’t think you’re under any obligation to reveal that you’re (remotely) working with Amir again to your fiancé.”
Key Reason for Silence
The columnist states there’s no new information her fiancé needs to know about Amir.
“You haven’t noticed any old feelings returning, Amir himself has behaved professionally, the two of you won’t be in the same room, there’s not really any new information that your fiancé needs to know about.”
Recommended Action
The columnist advises continuing counseling and not letting past issues control present behavior.
“Continue behaving professionally toward Amir at work and don’t try to dredge up the past.”
The short version
A woman must decide whether to reveal her past affair with a coworker to her fiancé who has trust issues.
