Three dates from house parties

The author started hosting monthly house parties last year and set up two friends who got on well. So far, three dates have resulted from people meeting at these gatherings.

Matchmaking has declined with apps

The rise of dating apps has led to a noticeable decline in friends setting each other up on blind dates. The author questions what happened to this traditional practice of recommending romantic matches.

Apps lack social context

Dating apps make meeting someone feel detached from existing communities. Users swipe through strangers based on photographs and prompts with little context about who they really are beyond what they present.

Friends know what algorithms cannot

A friend can tell you things an algorithm never could: what someone is actually like, how they treat people, whether they are kind, funny, or reliable, and whether they are compatible with you.

Friends capture what data cannot

Blythe Landry, a trauma and relationship therapist, says friends know every nuance of who we are.

“Friends carry history, trauma narratives, inside jokes, the way our nose wrinkles when we laugh, and our favorite order at Starbucks.”

Friends see our blind spots

Friends know we can sometimes be totally blind to our patterns in choosing romantic partners. They are more likely to be brutally honest about compatibility than an app, including financial concerns.

Apps remove community from dating

When we erase community and friendships from dating, it becomes strategic in unpleasant ways. Online, there are too many ways to not engage with someone, even if offline they could be our perfect match.

One matchmaking moment changed lives

Blythe Landry set up two single friends after noticing one ordered tea the exact same way the other ordered hers. Both protested they had nothing in common, but weeks later they were living together.

“You should really meet my friend.”

House parties create low-pressure dating

House parties, casual dinners, and planned drinks with friends create low-pressure social environments where connections can happen without anyone announcing they are looking for love.

Friends should play bigger role

The author wonders whether we have outsourced too much of our romantic lives to technology. Friends who already know us better than any algorithm should have a bigger role in helping us find someone.